Growgreengrapes

A New Decade

2009-08-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

Turning 40 on Saturday. Time is so suddenly gone, slipping away. I feel now that 50 is so close and then 60 and what? My mom feels bad alot of the time and so tired in her 60's. the past 6 years has raced by in a flash and now what? I think I want another baby and to live in San Diego, but I see my mom getting older and yearn to be closer to her. I get sooo sad at the idea of time passing and then its gone we live such a short time then we die.
I just started reading Eckhart Tolle's 'A New Earth'. I hope this helps me feel better. I sound depressed but it's more that I don't want to waist time. I want to be here now and enjoy it all. I want my sense of humor back! I want to feel good about myself, is that so much to ask? after all it is my birthday!

Back and Forth

2009-07-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

I want to move to San Diego. Our lives are so full there. We have friends with common interests and lifestyles. Lucy has wonderful friends in San Diego that are gentle and kind. She is so happy going to parks and meeting up to play and so am I. We just spent a month there in wonderfu cool climate playing and eating beautiful fruits and veggies. Now we are in the heat of Texas buying food at wal-mart, not the freshest food in the country. The transition phase is always tough.

THinking of things to do here. Lucy will start swimming lessons next week and horse riding soon, too. and I'm always on the lookout for gentle and kind families to befriend. Where are they?!?!?!?

The ALCAT

2009-05-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

I had blood drawn and sent off to ALCAT back in March. I decided to test my blood with 500 foods to see how my immune system reacted and the results were quite surprising. Not what I expected. Overwhelming.
I have severe sensitivities to Avocado, Basil, Coconut, Duck, Goat's milk, Honey, Kidney Bean, Lentils, Lima Bean, Mint, Parsley, Pear, Pinto Bean, Safflower, Sesame, Sole, Spinach, Turkey and Turmeric. Moderate sensitivities to Acorn Squash, Almond, Baker's Yeast, Black Current, Brussel Sprouts, Buckwheat, Cardamom, Chamomile, Chili pepper, Hazelnut, Nectarine, Paprika, Pumpkin, SAlmon and Tomato. 33 more foods I'm mildly sensitive to like cow's milk and lots of veggis I ate regularly. I've been avoiding all of these foods for almost 2 months, except for a couple accidental exposures from a restaurants and I did get horrible stomachaches both times, the most recent for 48 hours. I had been eating many of these foods thinking they were healthy for me!

I have been keeping a food journal since doing the Candida diet back in 2006-2007 in hopes of finding what foods were bothering me and to record how I was improving or not. I had some improvements with the Candida diet and anti-fungals but I still had recurring digestive issues and lots of anxiety. I should mention I was tested for Pyroluria last summer and the test came back boderline, I started taking B6 and Zinc with positive results with less anxiety and nervousness. I also tested low in vitaminD, too. Looking back, I found I had anxiety almost everytime I ate turkey but I was looking at every other food, I never would have suspected Turkey! And Coconut! I used coconut milk, organic extra virgin coconut oil internally and externally, I LOVE coconut, I have coconut flour, too. I used peppermint oil in water for my recurring stomache aches! My all time favorite soap is Dr. Bonner's peppermint! I had everything mint available. I honestly couldn't think of living without mint, thankgoodness for tea tree oil.

Alcat recommends eating foods in a 4 day rotation, this has been a huge challenge for me because although we do eat a variety of foods, many foods do seem to creep into our daily lives, like rice, oats and a variety of oils from butter subs. like Earth Balance, I mean what do we eat on warm fresh bread but buter and jelly?!!?? Pre- Alcat, dairy, albeit raw and organic, was a daily food. Now, I'm trying to keep our favorite dairy sub, soy milk, to a minimum, we are so accustomed to creamy foods, I'm trying to wean myself and Lucy off little by little. Oatmilk is great to put in the rotation and easy to make, as well. I will try to make rice milk soon, Rice Dream has safflower oil, as do many healthfood store foods.

I'm being a brat about coffee, though. I don't want to rotate it with green tea and black tea, I like those in the afternoon, you know tea time, not in the morning, that's my coffee time, the horrible part is I've been putting that fake creamer in it instead of the real stuff, alternating with soy creamer, I know that's one of the worst things I can ingest BUT I love really creamy coffee. I hope to get to a better place with the coffee issue. I tell myself rotating it at least every other day would make it so much better, special. Hmmmm.....

One interesting revelation in trying the rotation diet: I live in the past, during the time of high anxiety, I worried at night what I said the day or week before, what may have offended or was the wrong thing said, I write in my journal about what I've already eaten or felt or done. I do plan some for the future but it isn't my focus, I don't spend too much time on it. I TRY to live in the present as best I can. I noticed after seeing Vikii, my accupuncturist, the first time, she asked many questions about my being and one was what do you think about when your mind is racing or worrying, I never questioned that, I just worryed and all that worrying was about hte past. So the rotation diet is forcing me to look ahead, plan for the next day/week instead of looking in the fridge and figuring out what I would cook the next meal. This is soooo good for me. Meal planning for the week, what a concept. I ususally bought what was on sale and/or what was in season and made meals around that now I look at the days allowance and plan meals around that, still sticking to what's in season.

What I have noticed so far is an absence of bloating, stomache pain, anxiety, low blood sugar symptoms and less impatience/anger. I have been feeling so much better that I've started running, ok so I can run 1/4 mile right now but I wouldn't have thought to run 2 months ago. In a couple more months I'll test my cortisol and hormones again to see if there's an improvement. I really hope this clears up alot of my problems. By taking this test I realize even healthy foods can be problematic and I knew nothing about what my body was telling me, I could hear the complaints but I would have never figured these sensitivities out on my own.

Busy Bees

2009-02-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

Lucy and I are taking a trip to San Diego to see Gardner a week from tomorrow! We're spending 3 weeks with him and will have lots of great playtime with friends! I'm thankful and surprised at how fast the last 3 weeks have gone, I'm starting to believe "staying busy" takes away worry and stress better than anything.

A few things that have kept us busy:

Gardner bought some of the "Little Hands" books on Ebay for basically the cost of shipping, thanks to Mandy for the recommendation. They are great, lots of simple ideas to spur thoughtful conversations and activities. I especially like "Fun with my 5 Senses". Lucy doesn't really like the repitition of workbooks and these are nothing like a workbook, they are quite charming and fun.

I've also been baking G/F breads in the bread machine, yummm... I had forgotten how delicious and comforting fresh baked bread truly is to the body and spirit. and muffins, I love muffins, they travel easily and are the perfect size. How about carrot cinnamon, yummm....

Making Valentine cards and hanging them all over the house. It a regular Hallmark store around here.

We've been sick so movies, lots of movies. We watched "Miss Potter" a few days ago, it was very good. She was amazing inspite of her mother.

Of course reading is one of my favorite past times and my latest self-help favorite is Dale Carnegie's " How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". This book is really speaking to me, I worry all the time and stress and get angry and obsess about what I said last week, if I'm being a good parent, I should do this or that, this list could go on and on. Maybe that's why my adrenals are broken and I have an ulcer! I try to be all laid-back on the outside because that is what I want to be, but on the inside I'm a mess, this book has turned a few of my worries around. I hope I can get to a place of little worry. I'm working on breaking the worry habit and let things go!

My new mantra is "One thing at a time", I say it at times when I feel flustered and feel pressured to do a million things perfectly at the same time, usually when I'm hungry and have low blood sugar freak outs, when I start feeling overwhelmed and also when I feel my mind wandering from the task at hand. I've made a song out of it and sing throughout the day, if I'm singing and thinking about the words I can't be worrying at the same time.

Can't wait to see Gardner!!!!!!!

Rambling on.....

2009-02-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

I finished pruning the vineyard last Wednesday! I feel a great sense of acomplishment and relief, now I can rest a bit until the vines start growing again in the spring. My dad came down that day and helped me finish and we celebrated with a glass of Blanc du Bois 2005 from my personal stash. I grew the grapes, picked the grapes and made the wine. Delicious. We had a very nice visit.

My Uncle is in the hospital in Dallas with cancer. He found out 3 weeks ago and now he can't walk, cancer is wrapped around his spine. Everytime he's given a MRI or body scan, more cancer is found, its fast moving. Lucy and I have been to visit a couple times. He has smoked for more than 50 years. He's weak and in alot of pain. Going thru chemo and radiation. It doesn't look good. I wish I could encourage them to incorporate some natural therapy into their plan, they are in their 70's and not hip to those ideas. Uncle Bill and Auntie are the folks my brother and I spent a couple weeks in the summer with, my Aunt was a school teacher and had summers off, we did ceramics and they took us water skiing many times. They were so young and full of energy.

Now for a VENT:

I babysat my neighbor down the roads 3 year old last Thursday and Lucy and I have been sick ever since. What is OK about sending a contagious kid down to someone else's house to infect them? I think this woman just doesn't care. But is stupid enough to think when you pump'em up with meds they are OK to send out into the world. JEEZ! The shear stupidity I have come across in this town! and the SH** I put up with in order to have friends for my daughter. This womans kids are spanked and yelled at on a very regular basis, so much so that the kids spank each other while playing, Lucy told me about this play, the kids are in their bedroom while I'm in the living room with the mom and this is going on, OK I'm good with it as long as everyone is playing and having fun, then Lucy tells me it hurts and they won't stop when she asks them to, HOLY CRAP!!!! We haven't been down there since nor will we be going down there. OH, I knew it wasn't ideal but I kept telling myself Lucy needs to play with kids, she wants to play with kids, although she doesn't really like these kids, most of the time. The thing is, they always feed our dogs when we are gone, of course we pay them but I feel I have to appease her or she won't feed the dogs, I feel like such a chump.

We are going to San Diego to visit soon for 3 weeks, I am soooo looking forward to being there, being with Gardner and seeing friends that are gentle, loving, thoughtful and WONDERFUL!

Knitting on a cold, rainy day

2009-01-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

My mom gave me this pattern for a quick, EASY and cute washcloth, I made one yesterday. I wish I could post photos but the software is on Gardner's computer in SD.

size 10 1/2 needles, I used size 8

Guage: 4 sts and 8 rows equal lin in garter st
Pattern cast on 4 sts

Row 1 K

Row 2 K 2 sts, YO, K to end.

Repeat row 2 until there are 43 sts, I did 31 sts, I like small washcloths.

Next Row: K1, K2 tog, YO, K2 tog. K to end of row.
Continue this until there are 4 sts left. Bind off.

Really cute edge.

My mom was here last weekend, I worked in the vineyard with a windchill of 23 degrees, my hands hurt from the cold. Sunday was a better working day, no wind but a chilly 40 degree day. I'm on row 35 now, so just 5 more rows to go, a row takes about an hour. My arm is falling asleep at night and waking me up from the continual squeezing of the clippers.

Monday was a pretty bad day around here. It was cold and wet and I was hormonal, I think ovulation makes me about as crazy as PMS, is that possible? I will be 40 this summer and I'm worried I'm going to lose my ability to have another baby! Hormones. Lonely and depressed, too. and we just started this several week stint without Gardner. I'm thinking today it would've been better to go to SD with Gardner and let the vineyard go, but I must be stronger than that.

Lucy is looking forward to gymnastic class tomorrow, I'm so thankful we found something for her to do with other kids!!! She wanted to take riding lessons but I haven't been able to find a place, seems strange, here we are in Texas, isn't this the land of cowboys and horses and all that?

Lucy lost a second tooth last night, she pulled it herself, or played with it until it came out. She got really upset about the Tooth Fairy taking her tooth, so we wrote a letter to her asking to leave the tooth AND money, she saving all her $ to buy a horse.

Thanks for the shout out LolaCoca-Cola. I know you, I've been to your house for a Frontier Co-op pick-up, I met Naomi G. there. Gosh, that was 2 years ago? You were so welcoming to a stranger, thankyou! I would love to join the co-op when we get settled in SD.

Gardner's gone

2009-01-22T07:37:00.000-08:00

Lucy and I took Gardner to the airpoirt yesterday. He's in San Diego and we are here in Texas with our dogs, Smokey and Bandit, and prakeet, Sunshine. I will prune vines today in windy and warm, 80 degree weather, while the reality of gardner's absence takes hold. My goal is to keep as busy as possible so the time goes by faster while he's gone.
My to do list:

1. Plant seeds in the greenhouse for a spring garden.

2. Find a place for Lucy to ride horses or lessons.

3. Work on the vines, that's a given.

4. Become friends with the lady at the feed store, she was really nice and has horses.

5. Make felt cookies, pizza, sandwiche stuff for Lucy's kitchen.

6. TRUST in the unschooling process and learn to back off from "teaching"

This is all to do until the new buyer comes along and we move to San Diego, then I will do these things there with all my wonderful SoCal friends.

Jen, I'm so glad you found a buyer! I'll try the St. Joseph thing, I'll try anything right now!!!!!

How things can Change

2009-01-14T08:25:00.000-08:00

A few months ago we thought we had our vineyard sold, that wasn't the case. The buyer backed out 2 days before signing. We had the house packed up and ready to go, then everything was at a standstill. We decided to go ahead to San Diego for a couple months, Gardner had appointments with clients and after the emotional rollercoaster of saying goodbye to Texas and then the anger and frustration at having to find a new buyer all over again. Something was telling me the whole time that this was too easy, this buyer was too eager, I thought it was my eternal pessimisim getting in the way of being happy again.

So here we are on the vineyard, pruning back the vines. Lucy and I are going to stay here this spring in hopes of selling this place while Gardner goes off to San Diego to work.

The Little House on the Vineyard

2008-06-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a long while since posting. So here's a run down of the last 8 months. In October, we planned and I got pregnant. We were very happy and thought it would be just fine and great, we would find a midwife in Texas and were looking forward to a homebirth. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my mom and my brother, Kent and his wife, Tasha and their daughter Austin in Hillsboro. We went on a train ride in Ft Worth. It was very cold. I was nauseaus most of the time.
In December, Gardner went to San Diego to work for a couple weeks and Lucy and I stayed in Hillsboro and then were heading up to my moms for Christmas. A week before Christmas, I started bleeding. Luckily, my friend Evie from SD called because I didn't have a computer for info. She helped feed me info. I was misscarrying at around 10 weeks. Our dear friend Demetria came to visit on her way to Florida, what timing, I was so happy to see her, she has a healing spirit and I felt so much better for seeing her. She left in the morning and somewhere around 36 hours after starting to bleed I started having what seemed to be contractions, then severe pain like the transition phase of childbirth. I hadn't expected this, I had been cramping for most of the time leading up to this and assumed a misscarriage this early would be like a bad period. With my 4 year old watching TV, I birthed my baby, nothing was recognizable and even though I'm sure this was nature taking care of an abnormal pregnancy, it was so hard. I was in severe pain and alone. I did believe in my body's ability to know what to do and would only go to the Dr. if I was bleeding too much or felt something was wrong. I knew this was natural, I have talked to women who have birthed misscarriages at later stages of pregnancy that described what I went through but I didn't expect so much from 10 weeks. Then came the emotions, I was so sad, cried for a few days and thought I was OK. then wasn't OK. Mourning has its ups and downs. I was depressed for a while and still not sure, maybe it becomes history but the pain is still in my heart.
Lucy, Gardner and I went to San Diego at the end of January after pruning back all the grapes. We had fun going to the parks and playing with friends, we were only planning on being there for 2 weeks but we ended up staying 5 weeks. I was scared of being back in my MIL's house, after the stress of the previous year but my relationship with her was better. I'm not sure what happened but she was different and I know I was more humble and the longer I live the more compassion I have for other people and their situations. I have been working on getting rid of my judgemental attitude. Going through pain, struggling to know what the right decision to make is in any given situation, knowing we all make mistakes and realizing that what to do in the face of my judgements and mistakes is to keep on loving, forgiving , focusing on the here and now, and looking to the positive. I'm different. I have anxiety and live in fear but trying to overcome these and look to love, trusting in love.
Lucy and I came back to Texas in March. We drove from SD to Tucson, where Grandpa lives stayed the weekend, picked up my mom there and drove to Texas. We stopped in White Sands, NM, the sand dunes were amazing! then to Cloudcroft, NM, saw some snow, stayed in a B&B, then to Carlsbad Cavern's, amazing, too. We also stopped to see my dad in Hobbs, NM, he was working there and we had breakfast with him, then on to Paris, Tx to my mom's and eventually to Hillsboro. Gardner continued to work in SD until the end of April. We spent 8 weeks here without Gardner. THen he went back for 2 weeks in May. Being a single parent in the middle of nowhere was difficult, to say the least. We made the best of it, but I really don't want to do that again. Lucy missed her dad so much. Thankgoodness my mom was able to come visit us every weekend! And we went up to Paris, too. We have been without Gardner 3 months out of the last 8.
So to the present: June, we have signed a contract to sell our vineyard with hope of being back in SD by the end of July. I have had so many emotions, from not wanting to sell this place to get me out of here as soon as possible. In fact, I spent the whole first year in cullture shock, the second year looking for a friend, the third looking for friends for Lucy and all of the first 3 years wishing I was in SD. This is the first year I have enjoyed the grapes because I have been able to really work out there. Lucy is big enough to find things to do to entertain herself, like stirring up fire ant piles with a grape vine and searching and finding bird's nest with eggs or baby birds. She has quite a collection of wild bird eggs, blue, speckled, white. We so enjoyed looking through bird books and identifying them. I enjoy and will miss living here with 18 acres and grapes, the big open spaces, Lucy running around and playing with the neighbor kids wth lots of space to play and ride bicycles on our quiet gravel road, the quietness, the peaceful sound of birds. I think we lived here at a good time in Lucy's life, she will remember the vineyard and we were working and living together, we were able to spend more time with my mom. too. I'm so sad to move so far away from my mom. BUT we will have so much more to do and see and experience in and around SD, for unschooling and life, I have to remember how much I love living there. It's been so long and we haven't had a home in SD to ourselves, always at my MIL's house, we will get our own place and that is definately something to look forward to. I know we will be happy in SD, since being a family, Gardner, Lucy and I have never had a normal life there, we have spent tax season there when Gardners very busy and lived at my MIL's house which is very stressful for me. It's hard to imagine what life will be with our own home and a regular work week for Gardner in SD. I'm still here trying to figure out what I need to do in order to move in 3 weeks. The whole idea seems unreal.

October Happenings

2007-11-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

Lucy and I joined a homeschooling co-op in Waco. We meet up on Tuesday mornings to play and do crafts with other kids and moms. The founder is somewhat of an unschooler and seems to be very relaxed in her approach to learning. It is a good fit for us and we are enjoying our time there. There are classes which change every semester and I'm going to head up a playgroup for 4 year olds and younger kids. There are often field trips in the afternoons, we gone to 50cent movies and to a theater to see behind the scenes. We will be going to a planetarium and an indoor swimming pool in December. I was starting to go a bit crazy prior to finding these moms to share ideas, stories and resources.

Gardner's Birthday

Lucy started whistling 2 weeks ago! She is so impressed with herself!

The weather is nice now and we are playing outside and going to the park more. I want to get back into taking more photos! and blogging more!!!!

2007-10-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

Hmm...the longer I keep from writing the harder it is to start. Today is a first for us, Lucy and Gardner went to the state fair in Dallas and will be gone all day. This is the first time I've been away from Lucy for more than probably 4 hours. I would've gone with them but I have horrible allergies and have been sick for 3 weeks. When I'm outside for more than 30 minutes I get worse instead of better. Now with sinus and chest problems, I opted to stay home.

I actually have uninterrupted time to spend on the computer, WOW.

We had a party for Lucy's 4th birthday with all the kids down our country road. Lucy had a wonderful time! We played water balloon relays, chase Gardner and simon says. Steve brought his horse over and generously gave rides to all the kids. What a sweet guy. We had a pinata, Lucy's only request for her party. I kept the menu simple and kid friendly, also cleanup friendly with grilled chicken legs and carrots with ranch dressing and a cupcake birthday cake.

Lucy and her friends.

Simon Says....

Steve and his horse were a big hit.

Pinata time.

New Friends

2007-09-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

We celebrated the Fall Equinox by going out to our new friends farm waaaay out in the country west of us near Lake Whitney about 30 miles away. They homeschool, don't yell at eachother and have milking cows. We bought raw milk, yogurt, butter and eggs. I gave Kerri, the most awesome mom I've met in this state, some kefir grains and she gave me some wonderful homemade orange chocolate soap. They are homesteading and have goats, cows horses, chickens and a garden. Kerri has 3 children. Lucy and the oldest, McKenzie were instant friends, holding hands walking out to see the goats. What a lovely sight. Where's my camera?!?!?!
I have been asking for some nice homeschooling friends for Lucy, Thankyou for answering my prayers so fast!

Catch Up

2007-09-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

So I haven't blogged in over a month. Here's what we've been doing:

We went to Schlitterbahn waterpark with my brother his wife and daughter, Austin, my mom and Mr. Rick.

My Auntie and Lucy's cousin Hunter came for an overnight visit.

I had a birthday, I'm 38 now.

We went to the Rethinking Education Conference in Dallas. Ren Allen spoke, she was fantastic. I wish I had met her, not sure why I didn't, I am too shy! and she seemed so busy. Lucy got sick the second day, too, I was busy with that but no excuse, I would've loved to have met her! What's wrong with me?!?!?!? Lucy went to Kid Village and stayed there without us a couple times, that's a big step for her! I love going, its like getting a fresh perspective, a confidence booster.

THe Cotton Pickin Festival was here and we watched the twirling school and the cheerleaders preform, Lucy loved it but has no interest in taking any classes, she says she wants to teach herself dance, gymnastics, ect. I have to say, she is an amazing dancer! She studies the had movements of ice skaters and ballerinas and is incredibly graceful. and I don't want to inhibit that love and creativity with lessons, although we thought it would be a good place for her to meet new friends, thank goodness she knows what she wants and doesn't want! I enjoy watching her move to music so much!

We babysat baby James, our neighbor down the road, he's almost 2. I don't think I want another baby, I got really frustrated and I wasn't very nice to Lucy, I wasn't happy with myself, it wouldve all been OK if I could've just let go of trying to give him a nap. I know its different when the baby is your own but I wasn't happy with the level of frustration I was feeling, hmmmm. We are thinking of trying next month. I just don't know how it will work, going back and forth to SD. Lucy will be close to 5, if we decide to go for it, a 5 year old is pretty capable, right?

My mom had a birthday, she's 59! We baked a coconut flour cake.

I also had my 20 year class reunion. It was fun. Interesting. Great to see everyone.

Lucy's birthday is coming up next week! She will be 4! and we finally got a new camera!

What to do in the Heat

2007-08-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

Red HOT!

Summer is finally here!

The heat has arrived, the next 5 days are expected to be over 100 degrees. We'll be in the pool or inside in the A/C, playin games and thinkin of projects to do with a 3 year old, she hooked on Hannah Montanna, it's a cute show but the TV has been on way too much the last couple days!

I need help! Can a 3 year old use a knitting hoop? I would like to try something that's a more lengthy project than painting a picture, or playing a game, any ideas or links for me? I'm thinking crafty things but maybe a science project of some sort? We cook alot but it's too hot! Any projects including ice? I'll go google ice and see what happens!

Lucy the Great

2007-08-06T06:14:00.000-07:00

Lucy is amazing and wanted to share some of her greatness:

She dances everytime she hears music, inhibited joyful dancing.
Sings and "plays" the piano, while "reading" the song book.
She tells elaborate stories about her sisters and her 2 boys, one being fat and one being skinny. They live all over the world and do some incredible things.
She has learned all her numbers and letters without any teaching, just play, play and more play.
She can do some math, I guess the love of numbers runs through her genes, she loves to count and take away and count and add and count and guess how many of things, she's quick to see the overall number of things without counting out loud. I'm amazed.
She loves her babies and nurses them and carries them around with love and care. She wants a real live baby sister of her own.

She says "thank you" without being prompted or ever having been made to say it, so when I hear it, I feel joy because I know it comes from her heart.

I wish I had photos, my camera's broken. Because she's pretty darn cute, too!

Our 1st, 2nd and 3rd Trip to ER

2007-08-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

Lucy and I were visiting my mom up in Northeast Texas last weekend. A visit that was long overdue. On Saturday, we had lunch with my mom, my brother, his wife and daughter at Taco Delight. After lunch we were getting in the car and Lucy was playing around and had her back up against the car door when my mom opened it and she tumbled out, the back of her head crashing into the concrete curb we were parked next to, followed by: SCREAMING, CRYING by Lucy and my mom. Blood, Blood, so much blood all over her head and my hands. My brother jumps in the car and rushes us to the Emergency Room, this is the first trip to the ER for us.
By the time we see a nurse the bleeding has stopped and Lucy wants to go home, so do we all. Finally, after a couple hours the nurse practitioner comes in and looks at the wound. I turns out to be a scrape, not too deep and she doesn't need stitches but has quite a bump and lots of blood in her hair.

Noni, my mom, is traumatized more than anyone, she opened the door and feels responsible, it was an accident, Lucy should've been in her carseat. These things happen. We were all exhausted by the stress and went home to rest.

Sunday, we had a big lunch at Noni's with my brother and his family. Lucy started complaining that her throat was hurting and she felt warm to me. Late Sunday night, she stopped wanting to nurse and wouldn't eat, only ice chips and ice cream. She was very warm during the night and didn't sleep well. Monday morning, she wouldn't drink or eat anything, no ice, no mochies. We decided to take her to Minor Emergency ( i guess that's where people go instead of a Dr. visit) After a swab and 10 mins, we find out she has Strep Throat. The physicians assistant prescribes antibiotics. Lucy does not like taking medicine, it is a battle. She takes the first dose that morning and feels better within a few hours. She gags on the second dose that evening and will not take the medicine the following morning. So please tell me how do you get meds into your children, my mom says she's never seen a child refuse like Lucy. I told her the alternative is getting a shot, she has never had a shot and does not want one but is afraid she will throw up from taking the med. After trying everything to get her to take the meds, about 10:45am Tuesday morning, we go in for the shot. At this point, I'm crying myself, this is certainly not what I want but feel I had no choice. I had strep last year and it didn't go away with vitamins and herbs so although i wanted to take the natural approach, I felt there was no alternative. I felt like a bad mom, why didn't I catch this before it was FULL BLOWN?

Lucy was very brave and didn't even cry until after the shot and it hurt for a while in her hip. I didn't realize it would hurt for so long afterwards! She's fine now, of course it took me 2 days to recover from the exhaustion and stress.

What would you do in the case of Strep Throat? I would like to be better prepared next time, I read that after antibiotics kids usually get strep again within the year. For her immune system we are giving lots of probiotics, cod liver oil and a multi-vitamin. Any other ideas? Raw milk? Kefir pops?

I'm so glad we are home now, safe and sound.

8 Things about me, meme

2007-06-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

Mandy tagged me for an "8 things about me" meme. Oh, I'm so not good at these things.

1. I prefer small groups or one on one conversations rather than large groups or crowds.

2. My favorite food is creme, as in homemade whipped cream with a little mexican vanilla and strawberries.

3. I'm scared to have another baby, how can I live and take care of my family with no sleep?

4. I want an organic goat farm so I can have organic meat, make goat cheese and goat's milk soap. I want some old world jersey cows, too. They are mini cows, too cute and I like the taste of cows milk NOT goat's milk.

5. I like quietness, so how does that work with kids? When the volume goes up with a few kids running around screaming, my heart starts beating fast and I can't think, I get overwhelmed.

6. I have heavy cream in my morning coffee. Love it! Did I mention my love affair with cream?

7. My hair is longer than ever and I'm almost 40. I've never been able to have long hair before, it would get so thin, stringy and split ended, now it is thicker, heavy, shiny and I'm amazed with my hair so I have to have it long even if it makes me look old. I think I look pretty good, healthier than EVER!

8. I want a kitchen with no doors on the food and plate storage, ie, cabinets will not have doors, open shelves and drawers only. I like user friendly things.

A Few San Diego Outings

2007-06-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

When we were in SD I didn't have the camera and computer connected at home and just found some lost photos.

So here are a few things we did in SD:

We went to the Aquarium with Demetria.

Lucy rode the llamas at the OB farmers' market. Several times.

We had a sleepover at Quora's mountain getaway.

We went to Wild Animal Park with Violet, Olivia and Mandy.

And Seal Beach in La Jolla cove, isn't this a beautiful place!

My Favorite Parenting Guru

2007-06-19T06:49:00.000-07:00

Here she is, Naomi Aldort on YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JooO_c3tBs4#GU5U2spHI_4

If you want to be a more compassionate and understanding parent with peace of mind, read this book!

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort

Traditional Foods

2007-06-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon is a "cookbook that challenges politically correct nutrition and diet dictocracrats" all about traditional foods, recipes for whey and cream cheese, kefir, yogurt, lacto-fermented veggies and fruits, organ meats and many other foods eaten 50+ years ago that the average consumer no longer eats because of modern methods of mass production and preservation. It's FULL of information on foods.

I've had it a couple years and finally found a source for raw milk in Cleburne, about 30 miles away. Miss Ina has 25 Jersey cows and has the most delicious fresh sweet CREAMY milk I've ever drank. I, being a cream lover bought the 2 gallons with the most cream floating on top, almost half the gallon jugs were cream. Then, I found a woman who sent me some kefir grains from across the country. Here are the kefir grains.

I put the two together and now have delicious, no sugar, creamy and sour(lower lactose) kefir full of probiotics, minerals and friendly yeasts. It's wonderful! I used the kefir to make lemon sherbert from an NT recipe and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. That sherbert was better than anything store bought. Rich and creamy, lemony and sweetened with maple syrup and xylitol. Lucy likes it whipped up with strawberries and maple syrup.

I also made curds and whey with the raw milk by pouring a few cups into a jar and letting it set out on the counter for a couple days. It didn't smell horrid like milk gone bad usually does but more like yogurt.

I used the whey to make sauerkraut by shredding cabbage and adding caraway seeds and whey and pounding it for a while then letting it set at room temperature for 3 days. We'll be tasting it in about a month. The curds became a sort of cream cheese that I blended with herbs for a cheese spread, it was similar to chevre goat cheese. I'm amazed with these easy yet time consuming food preservation methods and the health benefits of all the beneficial bacteria contained in them. What do you think?

The State of Our Grapes

2007-06-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

We've been back for just over a month and haven't worked in the vinyard much at all. I believe it rained everyday in May. We've given up on a harvest this year, the rain has taken care to give us a mother load of fungus. If you can find a bunch of grapes out there they are horrible looking, like these:

For the most part what is supposed to be huge clusters of grapes looks like dried up, already eaten grape stems. I'm sad to say it is a HUGE mess out in the vinyard. If we had been here in March to start spraying fungicide religiously, we would probably have a small crop. As is, NOTHING, NADA, ZIP. I'm trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise, we can now work on building our papercrete winery, no, not paper mache. 20% concrete and 80% newspaper, Gardner has been collecting newspaper for a year now and we have enough to make a good start on the building. 1st we need a gynourmous blender. I could search ebay but I think Gardner will build one.

On our social life, we joined the Country Club. LaTeeDa, we are so NOT the country club type. They have the only swimming pool around! The only place that offers swimming lessons in a 20 mile radius! The grand ole Hillsboro Country Club offers a 9 hole golf course, a bar and meeting room and a swimming pool. There's no womens restroom, the only one outside is shared by men and women. It's fine with me, I hope to meet some moms that have at least read a book. We can swim and play and have fun while staying cool this summer AND hopefully meet some nice families.

2007-05-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

Roaring about Thai Village aka Nana's in Pacific Beach, yummmm.

Our best housemate, ever! From watching the Sea World fireworks to hiking down into the caves in La Jolla, we always had fun when we went exploring with Demetria.

A great sunset on Tourmaline Beach.

Packed up and ready to go to Tucson, thankgoodness Lucy and I flew from Tucson to Dallas. I'm really not sure how we fit in the car.

Here's Lucy on Grandpa's horse, Justin. Grandpa has a wonderful place for entertaining his grandaughter, horses and a swimming pool! Too Cool!

100 Year Flood

2007-05-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

We are back in to our tiny oasis we call Pecan Creek. We have heard this is the year of the 100 year flood and we have seen rain everyday since arriving on Monday, April 30th. The vines are huge and out of control, we need to get out there and tuck them into the wires, they have grown past the top wire making this task unusually tough. First, we need to mow the rows, we are having a hard time walking through thigh high wildflowers but alas, mud, mud everywhere mud. I have managed to pull some weeds and till a bit of earth where I planted some cantalope, papaya, dill, asparagus and marigold seeds from last years harvest. I love papaya "trees" with all their tropicalness. I will make Thai papaya salad, yummmm. It's great to be back in our own home, I can relax and work hard gardening and breathe fresh humid, tropical feeling air, yes, stick to you, 2 showers a day air, ahhh feels so good. Reminds me of Southeast Asia, I loved the humidity then and am actually loving it now, it hasn't gotten too hot yet, we shall see how much I love it at 95 degrees next week.

Lucy had Christmas all over again playing with her old toys like they were all brand spankin new. Lucy says she likes it here, riding her bike, playing with Lindsey and Abigail. Having her daddy home and going to town with him. Life is good. Just wish our friends Mandy, Violet and Olivia and Evie and Qora were closer! I will miss having families around that share our interests in unschooling and parenting. I would love to be able to share our philosophies with people around here but I'm not a preacher or a speaker. What would you do if your friends laughed at their daughter for crying? I cringed as they drove away, the little girl looked so sad. We will see them today and I guess as I teach Lucy by being an example maybe I can live my way and become an example to others, I know no other way.
I can't wait for our seeds to sprout.

Getting Out

2007-04-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

After being yelled at my oh-so-double-standard brother-in-law, Lucy, Demetria and I went out for delicious Thai food by Nana at Thai Village on Mission Blvd. Absolutely the best Thai food I've had outside Thailand. She's from rural East Thailand and is full of smiles and good cheer. After filling our bellies with avocado curry and Thai chicken, we headed down to La Jolla cove to see some seals. Demetria took us to a little trail and we walked down to the diving cliffs and then over to the Cave Shop and down, down, down into the cave where we saw a momma pigeon and her two babies in a nest next to the walkway. We had a great time and were able to clear our heads. Getting out of the house was such a good idea! Now if I only knew how to get rid of the chronic stress of living in this house. Just one more week and we are off to Tucson then on to Texas!

2 More Days

2007-04-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

Gardner has 2 more days to work and then he can go from a 16 hour work day to a 8 hour work day till we go back to Texas. We will be back home in 2 weeks. I'm so looking forward to going back to my little house. This year it TRULY feels like we are going HOME. All the years before, I felt like I was leaving my home of San Diego, this city feels like home to me but my place of residence and family here has not felt like home at all, I have felt like an unwanted stepchild. The things I miss at home are my gas stove and oven, my rotisserie for fresh roasted chickens, my front porch where we can watch amazing thunder and lightening storms pass by, of course our cat and three dogs, Snuggles Romeo, Smokey, Bandit and Star and going for walks through the vines with them, seeing the birds nests and tasting delicious berries. I miss being able to breathe in all the space around me and know that no one will be walking in and ruining a perfectly good breath of air. I can't wait to plant my garden full of all things yummilicious, to build our papercrete winery and pickout all the goodies that go inside it to make it beautiful. The silliness of going for bike rides, all three of us on my old beach cruiser. I miss my neighbor, Betty, the horses across the road, Doobiedan and Bucket, feeding Daisy the pig and Rio the little pony. We do have fun there.
Most of all, I miss Gardner!!!!! I miss having lunch and dinner and supper with Lucy and him, I miss being together! Isn't that what home is? Being together and being able to breathe in and RELAX. Isn't it important to feel relaxed where you live? It's something that is easily taken for granted except when it isn't available. Breathe and Relax!

Easter and Princesses

2007-04-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

Did you know? " Princesses are NOT funny!" I found out after telling Lucy she was sooo funny.
And laughing too much!

The Easter Bunny visited us in the mountains, the most exciting thing he brought was chocolate. Toys mean nothing when there's chocolate around! How can a 3 year old be a chocoholic already? Maybe it's genetic, Noni what do you think?

A Wonderful Wednesday!

2007-04-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

We met our friend Lucy and her boys, Gabriel, 6 and Sam, 31/2 at the Northmont Park in La Mesa on Wednesday and played and talked. My Lucy was a bit leary of playing with boys but after a bit she chased them to the rocks on the far side of the cool grassy field. Mummie Lucy and I sat and talked, what a pleasure it is to sit and talk with another grown up. Lucy is enjoying playing with other kids more and more and giving me the freedom to play with the mommies. In the afternoon we went to the Ocean Beach Farmer's Market and bought Organic kale, beets, garlic beans, onions, apples, lemons and carrots. Lucy rode a llama all by herself, 2x. And jumped in the bounce house, too. A friendly dad payed our way into the bounce house, I haven't been on the recieving end of random kindness in a long time, it was so small but so nice. We stopped and watched an old guy, Wayne, play old Irish music on the fiddle and talked with us about the Sazuki, not sure if I'm spelling that right, method of teaching music. Lucy wants to learn the violin, maybe we could learn together. I would love to learn to play a musical instrument again.

Ramblings on Texas

2007-04-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

Lucy and I went to our unschoolers playgroup this morning and she played with Arowyn another girl just a week older than her. They had lots of fun playing with Lucy's pink puppy, thanks again Mandy, she loves that dog!
So I was able to play with the adults and I had an interesting conversation about Texas and California. Arowyns dad is from California and has spent time in Austin and is now living in San Diego and he would choose to live in Austin over SD, I was very interested. He believes Texans are generally more open and honest about who they are, what they are about and found them to be more welcoming into their lives, share more intimately, open themselves up to more personal relationships. Although we haven't found that to be entirely true in Hillsboro, I must say our neighbors in Texas have opened themselves up to us, I, on the other hand have not. I am the one who hasn't been open and honest about who I am for some fear of stepping on toes, but maybe I could open their minds. I do find many people in California to be shallow and only want to let you in just so far and have found people to be downright RUDE. I thought his comments on California being liberal in philosophy and not in reality to be interesting, like it's extremely difficult to adopt a black child into a white family in California and that's definately not the case in Texas.
Not sure where I'm going with this but I am looking forward to getting back home to Texas! I miss my cat and 3 dogs, my grapes and I miss family meals all together. I miss the quietness. I miss my mom coming for weekend visits. I miss having my own space!!!!! All 18 acres of space.

Sight Seeing in San Diego

2007-03-30T13:38:00.000-07:00

We visited our friends in the mountains a couple weekends ago. The mountains quietness and peacefulness were refreshing and I started to yearn for my quiet home in the middle of nowhere Texas, so far away from noise, family stress and DRAMA. I'm ready to go back and relax, plant a garden and live in the grapes.

Lucy and her friend Qora play beautifully together as long as Evie and I aren't in the same room with them. "I want this, no I had it first, it's mine, ect, ect, ect." Have any of you experienced this? Bickering only when mommas are around?

Lucy and I went to the Wild Animal Park on the following Thursday with Mandy, Olivia and Violet. Lucy and I rode the carousel 8 times. I was dizzy. Lucy was in heaven. Olivia and Lucy had great fun playing on the grassy hills. Saw lots of animals and rode a tram around "Africa".

Last Wednesday we made our way down to La Jolla cove to seal beach. The waves were large and the mommas and baby seals were adorable. Lucy was entranced by the waves crashing on the rocks.

What else should we do before we go back to Texas? Definately the Zoo, maybe Mexico for some vanilla, La Jolla Shores to play in the waves, Torrey Pines for a hike, any ideas?

Just an Ordinary Tuesday

2007-03-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Lucy, Demitria and I went to Diamond Street beach this morning and played in the waves. Lucy made a sandcastle and we ate guacamole and Trader Joe's flaxseed chips, yummm.

Lucy took a short nap and then we played with Baby Lilly all afternoon, blowing bubbles under the Pear tree, jumping on the bed and playing with Lucy's train set, which she takes apart and puts back together in many unusual ways. One of her all time favorites is a large cardboard box that she hangs on with her hands and feet, jumps onto like a gymnast and turns around and slides off the side. We played drive-thru restaurant through the kitchen window where Lucy ordered Thai food, noodles, papaya salad and lots of water.

Noni's Visit

2007-03-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

Noni came for a visit last weekend and Lucy wanted to show her all her favorite places in San Diego. We took her to "Bamboo Park" or some like to call it Balboa Park to see the Koi fish, the Japanese Tea Garden and for a Trolley ride.
We also went to the "beach park", aka Fanuel St. Park.
Noni, Demetria( the newest housemate and massage therapist), Lucy and I went to the Ocean Beach Kite Festival, Lucy made a terrific kite and flew it down the street. We had a hot dog and Lucy decided to eat the bun, she says she can eat wheat now, 2 days later she has a nasty rash and bathroom issues. I think she is rethinking the idea of eating wheat. I was hoping she wouldn't have the allergy anymore, either. She wants to be like baby Lilly and eat anything and everything. It is a real challenge living with so many people in this house and not being able to control the home environment. My brother-in-law has 1/3 of the freezer taken up with corn syrup + artificial flavored and colored ice pops. They are in full view everytime I open the freezer, Lucy has had amazing self-control and I have healthy options for her but occassionally really wants one. Ugh! I digress, this is supposed to be a post on all the fun things we did with Noni.....
We had yummy Thai food at Thai Village, the best Thai I've ever eaten outside of Thailand, yes been there a couple times in my past life. The steamed veggi salad is a must!
We had Mexican at a"healthy" place in OB and YUCK, the next morning we went to Tacos Mi Rancho and had delicious Huevos Rancheros. Yumm...
We relaxed alot and enjoyed Noni's company, playing babies and hungry hippos.
We are so happy you came Noni!!!! thanks again for doing my huge pile of laundry!!!!!
We are looking forward to seeing you at our little house on the vinyard in Texas!

More on Candida

2007-02-17T13:31:00.000-08:00

I found a great candida yahoo group and have been following the protocol presented by Duncan Crow of selenium, undenatured whey protein, probiotics and inulin for about 2 months. I feel better than I have in my entire life. I finally feel like I'm really healing myself, with Duncan's help, of course. So many people on the candida group have been battling candida for years and in just a couple months on the whey, selenium and inulin have seen dramatic improvements. During my consultation with Duncan, I came up with a sort of health history. After seeing all that on paper I was kinda surprised. Including mono 2x in highschool, chronic stomach aches since childhood, chronic and lasting depression, anxiety, eczema, hypothyroidism, brittle hair and nails, chronic tonsilitis, groin cysts, boderline fybromyalgia, bad pap smears which led to a LEEP, and more.... Much of this got worse when I was eating a low fat vegetarian diet after college from 1997-2000. I'm not saying that vegetarianism can't be done in a healthy way, it just wasn't working for me at the time, way too many carbs feeding the candida and fungus in my body.
The physical problems are all gone now, for the most part. I'm not ready to dive into a sugar and wheat filled chocolate cake yet but maybe a bite or two next year.
The most amazing part is feeling calmer and happier, sharper and having a sense of clarity. I have happiness! Real happiness from the inside. I laugh alot more and am able to stand up for myself for the first time, I actually am beginning to have some self worth. I have been so afraid in the past and still get nervous in social settings but I feel stronger and free to be optimistic. I strongly believe this change in attitude and well being is due to getting the candida and toxins under control.
I'm going to do another Liver/gallbladder flush next weekend. I'm pretty excited to see what happens.

Back to Cali...

2007-01-27T10:01:00.000-08:00

We are back in San Diego. We are lovin the warm weather and beautiful parks, beaches and people. Lucy and I have been taking care of her cousin Lilly in the afternoons. T his is great practice for having another kid. It has been alot of fun and kinda like riding a bike with all the baby stuff, she's 9 months old. Lilly is happy to hang out and watch Lucy run around all afternoon. Lucy has had a few days when she wanted Lilly to go away and not come back but as I get more comfortable with caring for Lilly I can pay more attention and engage Lucy in some fun games with Lilly. I'm looking for more activities that we are all happy to do together. any ideas?

I was so happy and nervous to meet up with Mandy and Elaine at a park in Santee. It was so much fun and wonderful to meet the real people behind the blogs. I felt such a connection with Mandy, we have alot in common and it's so great to have a friend that unschools! Her daughters, Olivia and Violet are so creative. Lucy believes she and Violet are the same age, 8, and Olivia is much younger, Lucy's real age, 3. Hmmm...
I knew Elaine from last year and she is even more brilliant in person, I had forgotten, what an exciting momma. I'm such a social idiot, I didn't even say goodbye when she left, I hope she forgives me and overlooks for I was a bit overwhelmed coming out of my Texas isolation to the big city and having real moms to talk with and be inspired by. Elaine has amazing energy and is wonderful fun.

I love San Diego.

MamaSaysOm: Uberlist

2007-01-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

Have Fun ~ Create Fun
Show Love More
Invent New Games with Lucy
Be Real ~ Honest ~ Genuine
Stop Being Critical
Paint More and learn what it takes to sell my art
Find Joy in the Mundane~ Laundry and Dishes
Ease into transitions with grace
Hear my own stress and accept
Move Body
Be more Affectionate
Go with the flow of life
Knit and learn to follow directions ~ socks
Build a papercrete house
Build a papercrete Winery
Plant trees
Meet a new friend
Meet up with Unschooling group
Play with friends in San Diego
Kill Candida and discover life without dread and pessimism ~
Discover Life full of Joy and Excitement

I've lost you!

2007-01-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

I played around too much with my blog and I've lost all my links, please leave a comment so I can add you to my favorites!
And my banners, can't find them on ring surf, can anyone help?!?!?!? Basbluesalon? I want you back! Please Help!

Time to Prune

2007-01-04T06:24:00.000-08:00

This is a vine after Gardner completed the rough cut with the hedger and we pulled out all the long vines. Fortunately, we had some help from our friends Nanette and Mike who are opening a winery in Itasca. Now it's time to do the fine pruning. I'll post a how to and more pictures when it stops raining. I'm not exactly sure how we are going to get all this done with the rain in our way. Should be interesting.

Uprooted and Stressed

2007-01-01T13:50:00.000-08:00

I feel a bit stressed over moving back to California. Everything is different and the transition is difficult for me. I love San Diego and will be happy to be back there going to playgroups, seeing people, going to beautiful beaches, smelling the ocean. It's difficult going from seeing Gardner all day everyday and living in a small space all my own, to not seeing Gardner much and living in my mother-in-laws huge house. I am constantly patroling and keeping messes at bay, keeping spills from hitting the new carpet and keeping Lucy out of all the piles of crap that are not for toddlers to play with. I get stressed just thinking about it, I am really going to try and relax while I'm there and remember she raised 6 kids and she must know something about how curious a three year old is and should be. Not that she would ever say anything, she doesn't ever say anything, I just get a nervous feeling. I will have fun with Lucy, do the best I can to not destroy the house and everything will be fine.
We have alot on our plates next year and I should be happy dreaming about all our plans not stressing about how to be perfect in my MIL eyes. YIKES and YIPEE at the same time!

Rewind Christmas Day

2006-12-29T06:49:00.000-08:00

We had a great time at Noni's the last couple weeks and now we are back home and I can think back on Christmas day.
This is probably the last year I will be able to wake up before Lucy on THE morning, this was the first year she began to understand the idea of Santa bringing presents, although she seems be in the know, if you know what I mean, she's all about pretend and loves it anyway.

Not too early in the morning Lucy woke up and ran down stairs to find presents from Santa, she was excited and amazed with the mini-trampoline.

And the pink puppy Lucy asked for over and over and over wasn't there but Santa found a baby puppy with a bottle and put a pink bow on her ear.

Lucy made a list of people she wanted to get gifts for and I took her to the dollar store. She picked out one gift for each person and wrapped them herself with a little help from Noni. She was so proud of herself and really put thought into each gift, a soccer ball hat for Daddy, her soccer coach and Uncle Kent, a pink feather duster for Austin and herself, pink socks for Noni, chocolate Santas for Mr. Rick, a toy guitar for Grandaddy, her great granddad, a back scrubber for Uncle Bill and a giraffe for Auntie. She gave me a bride and groom wedding cake figurine. She wants Gardner and I to have a wedding so she can be the flower girl.

We played all morning and my brother and his family came over for a late lunch of standing rib roast, yummmm, rutabagus, sweet potatoes and green beans. We had pumpkin pie for dessert. I made some Christmas cookies with protein powder, stevia and carob instead of flour, sugar and chocolate, they were good for people that haven't had real cookies for a very long time.

This is Austin with short hair, just a couple days before Christmas she decided to cut her own hair and gave herself an interesting version of a mullet, my mom came to the hair rescue and gave her this cute style. My brother wasn't too happy about the absence of her long hair, she looks so grown up.

What a great time we had, I had so much fun watching the kids play and play and play!

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, too!

A Little Update

2006-12-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

Lucy and I have been staying and playing at my mom's house the past couple weeks, we have had a wonderful time putting up Christmas lights with Mr. Rick and decorating the Christmas tree with Noni. We visited Santa at his downtown cottage and Lucy asked for a pink puppy, a real pink puppy. What?!? Anytime someone asks her what she wants for Christmas she replys, "A pink puppy, a tiny little pink puppy." I showed her some toy pink puppies at the toy store and she was not interested. What is Santa going to do?!?! Do pink puppies exist? I think she may be very disappointed when Santa brings her a little trampoline instead. What to do?!?! I may need some help here, Santa, I hope you have some good ideas!

We saw a live nativity play twice, once with her cousin Austin. This was a thrill and now Lucy reinacts the play with my mom's little nativity sets at home. She loves to exclaim, " You must follow the magic star!" to the shepherd and wise men. TOO CUTE!

We enjoyed the Christmas parade in downtown Enloe, the very small town my dad grew up in about 15 miles north of Paris. Our Auntie and Uncle Bill live there and are very involved with the community. Santa was at the community center afterwards and gave out coloring books to all the kids, at the end of the night when Santa was leaving for other engagements Lucy very shyly went up to him and asked for a new pink dress as her other one was torn, well she does wear it just about everyday alternating with the new Christmas one with pettycoats, is this a phase?

Yesterday we went to see the new Charlotte's Web movie with her cousin Hunter and Auntie, her first time at the movie theater. We sat on the second row, my neck is hurting today. We had lots of popcorn and chocolate ice cream afterwards.

Gardner will be here Saturday night and we are waiting with great anticipation! We miss him so much! Oh, he's been in San Diego working.

Brrrr...It's Cold Out!

2006-12-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

Here's our vineyard after a freeze. We hope all the leaves fall off before December 26th when we start pruning each and every vine by hand back to the arms with 3-4 inch fingers with 3-4 buds each. And this photo shows only 4 rows of the 40 we must complete before January 12th when Lucy and I get on a plane for Tucson to visit Grandpa. And when Gardner gets in our Volvo with 400,000 miles and drives with all our stuff to meet us. AHHH the Great Migration! Going to warmer weather in San Diego! Are we a family of birds?!?

Yes, here are my two snowbirds! We have had so much fun this fall playing together! It is sooo nice to have the time to just hang out for a while before Gardner has to go back to work in San Diego.

80 Yesterday, 30 Today

2006-11-30T13:21:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was great. We relaxed at my mom's. We had an organic baked turkey and a deep fried cajun turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, broccoli salad, baked sweet potatoes and pumpkin custard. Delicious. I love getting up early and having coffee and cooking with my mom. I took not one photo all weekend. I thought about it but never actually got up and picked up the camera.

We also discovered that Lucy gets crazy hyper from corn syrup NOT chocolate as previously thought. I gave her a Tiger's Milk bar from a little vitamin store, sometimes it's hard to find a wheat free snack when we are out and about (I'm usually better prepared) and I thought this carob instead of chocolate bar would be a good thing, HA! The first and third ingredients were corn syrup, beware of this evil crack for kids stuff. She couldn't sit still for hours and woke up at least 4 times that night. The last time we had such a night was when she had M&M's. We will be avoiding CS from now on, I promise!!!! and guess what marshmallows have it, too. One of her favorite things!

I was turned on to Christine Kane a wonderful folk musician, click and listen. If anyone is reading, I would love one of her CD's for Christmas, hint, hint.

Yesterday was 80 degrees and today it's 30 degrees and snowing! How about that! Lucy had her first snow ice cream. She loved it. I've been taking advantage of the cold weather by making jelly from our grapes we picked in July.

December is coming, YIPPEE!

This and That

2006-11-20T06:04:00.000-08:00

Noni and Mr. Rick came for a visit last weekend, Lucy was lovin all the lovin.

Playin a tune for us.

We all went to the Waco zoo and Lucy brought along a friend, Abby. A first for us, bringing a friend along. Fun but hectic, I have no experience with more than one child to care for, I need a little help with dispute resolution! We really had a great time!

Lucy looks mad in this one.

And something different.

Making Judgements

2006-11-16T06:02:00.000-08:00

The images didn't come very easy on this one. I'm not sure this even conveys my thoughts and feelings. I was thinking about how my judgements about myself and others, everything really, distance my heart from everyone and everything. I get close and then start to criticize, judge to keep a safe distance. My heart is covered with prickly barbs and sharp edges. I'd like to unfasten and dismantle and become more open, loving, accepting and nonjudgemental. Anyone know how? I've heard of the book The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, anyone read it or anything to help me understand and get past judgements?

Results of Liver Cleanse

2006-11-11T05:31:00.000-08:00

Wow, I couldn't believe what I flushed out of my liver and gall baldder! I'll spare you pictures. Close to 30 bright green pea sized stones and probably a hundred yellow ones of all sizes. I feel good and it was pretty painless. The grapefruit juice olive oil concoction was delicious to me, well, after fasting for 8 hours anyway. I will do it again. I'd like to clean out all the really old gunk from vaccines, antibiotics, other meds to college alcohol consumption. Not to mention all the environmental toxins I've picked up along the way.
Cheers to good health!

Cleansing my Body

2006-11-03T08:26:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to do a liver and colon cleanse for some time now and haven't because I have been breastfeeding Lucy. Now that she is 3 years old I thought it was a good time. I started a liver cleanse on Monday and had a couple of days I just felt like crying, felt sad and tired, then after some elimination, I instantly felt great. The cleanse isn't over but I wanted to pour my emotions into some paint on paper. Painting is so healing in itself coupled with my physical journey of healing my body from the candida, I feel I need to paint my life so here is probably to much information.

Tuesdays with Morrie

2006-10-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

I love my netflix and once in a while I get a Great movie in the mail. "Tuesdays with Morrie" is wonderful. It's about an older professor who is dieing and he offers thoughts on many different topics with relevence to the meaning of life. Ideas we can all appreciate, very touching and human.
The movie reminded me of a gentleman I use to work with in La Jolla. Ray was in his early 80's and had been working for Mrs. Scripps for 40 years as a grounds keeper and all around fix it guy. Interesting enough, I worked there on Tuesdays. I started out thinking I knew more than him, I was committed to gardening all organic and he had his own ways and ideas, I resented the old guy telling me what to do, after all I was educated in horticulture. Over many months a friendship grew and he began telling me stories of his life. Living in Mission Beach in the 50's, fighting in WWII, learning to fly just 40 miles from my hometown, Paris, Texas, his first wife leaving him after the war, heartbreaks and joys, a new wife and no children. I often thought I should write his stories down but was busy and told myself it was a silly idea, I'm not a writer after all. After working with him for 3 years, I became pregnant with Lucy and after I was too large to bend over and actually work in the gardens, we just sat and talked, we had lunch and he told me his concerns and stories, we had a lovely time. Ray was a sweet man. I had never had a friendship with an elder person. I wasn't very close to my 2 grandparents. After I had Lucy, I got busy with a newborn then our family got more busy planning to move to Texas. I kept meaning to go visit Ray and introduce him to Lucy but just never made it, he had a an appointment or I had something to do and we just kept missing each other. I strongly regret not making more of an effort to see him. I wrote him a couple letters from Texas and when I went back to San Diego for the winter I finally made the time to visit him and it was too late, there was another person working there. Ray had passed away only a couple months before. I am so sad I let myself become too busy to go visit with a dear friend and tell him what he meant to me. How often do we let someone come close to us and over time get busy with other stuff? We are so scared and often feel too silly and meaningless to say the things that are important. How much our friends and family mean to us. Why are we so scared to express love and recieve love?

Mama Says Om: Invisible

2006-10-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I wear a mask to become invisible, to hide my true feelings, to be festive when I'm not, but the eyes cannot lie.

The State Fair of Texas

2006-10-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

The last day of the state fair was yesterday, so we decided to go at the last minute, that's how we usually plan outings, you know? After an hour drive, we arrived around 11:00 am on this chilly Sunday morning. I think summer is over and we are definately into fall weather here, I'm so glad.

On Lucy's request we went straight over to the farm animals, specifically, the pigs. We got our animal food like everyone else and set out to feed some farm animals. Most of the animals were full, so many people feeding them, we finally found a pot belly pig who was still hungry. There were piglets, goats, sheep, llamas, a young giraffe, all sorts of calves, buffalo, and even a mama and baby camel.

We saw pig races, little pigs running around an arena going after an oreo, it was funny.

We saw a very short puppet show, seriously, at the most 15 minutes long.

Of course, we rode the the world's largest Ferris Wheel, you know Texas size, I have to tell you it cost us $18 for all three of us to ride and it made 2 rounds, I think we stood in line longer than we were on the ride, oh well, it was fun. I think the city of Dallas is making a huge profit on this fair, hardly fair, just wonder how people with more than one child afford it.
Lucy had a ball on the rides. She rode a canoe around a little river, a fast and bouncy car and the carousel.

She's so big, going on these rides all by herself!

Big hugs!

Round and round we go! "Hi, Daddy!"

Lucy took this picture with the giant ferris wheel in the background. Whew, what a day!

At the end of the day we saw a parade with lights and music. We were very tired. Gardner thought we couldn't bring the stroller and carried Lucy the entire day, he's sleepin in today and probably has a sore back.
We had a really fun time, I was surprised how nice it was, I have never liked fairs, since I was a child, I always thought they were too crowded and dirty! I guess I've changed a little in the last 30 years. Thank goodness!.

Mama Says Om: Life

2006-10-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

Candida Update

2006-10-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

Wanted to give an update to the candida situation. I have had some ups and downs. I felt amazing the first week! So much energy and great attitutde. I was happy and easy going, nothing really bothered me and I played with Lucy without getting tired. I did not eat anything off the diet.

THe second week I had some cream cheese, I love sugar free cheesecake and thought my body could handle it. I couldn't and cheese is off limits now. My dad came for a visit and we bottled some wine one day, which I had to taste and blend to get the right recipe, right? It's my job. So I fed the yeast cream cheese and wine, I'm sure it loved it after starving for a week. So candida gave me bloating and all the nasty things that go with bowel problems and a fuzzy head and less energy. But I continue with the veggies, protein and fat.

The third week, we had Lucy's birthday party and I cracked under the stress of having too many kids in the house. I ate cake and ice cream after the party. UGH...again bloating and all that goes with bowel distress also, a fuzzy head and just not so optimistic attitude. Actually, I was in a bad mood.

The forth week, I was doing really well, no cheese, no sugar and then we went to a halloween party and with a lapse in judgement had one small glass of wine. What was I thinking?!? ? I had a hangover and felt like poopoo for a whole day. I must stay on the diet to improve my health and mind! I've added psyllium husks to clean out my colon, olive leaf and garlic to kill candida in mass quantities and more probiotics to increase the good bacteria in my gut.

I have had some great feeling days since then, happy energized and motivated.

Today is the 11th day in a row without anything off the diet. I just started my period and haven't had the terrible cramping I usually have but I'm somewhat irritable and tired. I had some cravings for carbs this past week, too. I had some strawberries and some unsweetened carob chips, not many though and kept my carbs low. I'm really the most surprised at the lack of cramping. And I feel like I could even go somewhere or do something, I usually stay home and lay on the couch for a day or two during this time of the month. Or take a lot of tylenol, which I hate doing.

So far so good, I will be increasing my carbs a little bit and introduce Yeast Cleanse by Soaray which includes caprylic acid, pau d'arco and tea tree oil as a candida killer along with the garlic I'm now taking after I finish the olive leaf supplements. I will increase slowly to try and avoid die-off symptoms.

I'm still motovated to keep going knowing by Christmas I will feel so much better!
Gardner is trying this, too. He has suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, beer allergies, allergies in general, chronic athlete's foot, fuzzy head, ect. for 10 years. He has been taking garlic and eating low carb, too. He's had some die-off symptoms, flu-like feeling one morning and tiredness but he feels clearer and at times feels better than he has in a very long time. THis is a very hard regimin to follow because feeling worse before feeling better is part of the process. We are excited to feel better in a couple months and know it may be more like a year to really get the candida in check.
Cheers!

Mama Says Om: Taste

2006-10-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

Here's a new recipe, so simple and delish!

Taste this:

Steam cauliflower until soft. Then add salt, pepper, butter and cream, and whip 'em up like mashed potatoes. So much better than potatoes, I swear.

Voilà! Fauxtatoes!

Halloween Party

2006-10-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

We went to a Rockin' Halloween Party at Steve's place across the street Saturday night. We arrived without costumes but were persuaded to dress up in old costumes they had on hand. A great idea for anyone planning a costume party! We really got into the spirit of Halloween!

Even Noni had her face painted!

Lucy had a great time riding Doobie Dan again and playing with all the kiddos in costume. Gardner sang some Kareoke. Wish I had a photo of that!!! We went on the longest spooky hayride covering 100 acres. There were ghosts, goblins and spiders around corners and in trees.

Steve and his family put alot of work into this party. We had a great time! Steve is on the tractor pulling the hayride. All the kids love him. "Steve's hilarious", Lucy says.

Mama Says Om: Fall

2006-10-06T09:00:00.001-07:00

Here's the same painting after the first session:

Birthday Party at Noni's

2006-10-04T06:08:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we had another birthday party for Lucy at her Noni's house in Paris. I know 2 parties is alot, our family lives 2 1/2 hours away so we wanted to celebrate with them , too.
My mom, Noni, found these cute little fairy costumes and the girls wore these around for a while and Lucy has worn hers everyday since. She wants to be like Jennifer! Our friend who is the captain of the drill team for Paris highschool and danced on the football field with wings on during half time. Here's my little Angel!

She loves these red shoes and wears them everywhere! Her dancing shoes even go feed the pig and fly kites, they aren't so red anymore.

Here's Mr. Rick aka balloon man. He had all kinds of balloons, these spun around and made a funny sound. Lucy loves Mr. Rick!

More Chocolate, Please. Lucy says, "I can't have candy, but I can have chocolate."

Meme: 10 Favorite TV Charactors

2006-09-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

Mandy tagged me for the meme, 10 favorite tv characters, so I'm doing 5 and letting Lucy do 5.
Here it goes:

Lucy's favorites are
1. Caillou
2. Curious George
3. Diego
4. All the Dragon Tales characters

Mine:
1. Lucy from I Love Lucy, of course
2. Andy Griffith
3. Barney from Andy Griffith
4. Samantha from Bewitched
5. All the interns from Grey's Anatomy
6. Dominic DaVinci from DaVinci's Inquest

OK, Lucy got 4 and I got 6, who's counting, she shouldn't watch too much tv anyway, right. Sorry,
I broke the rules!

Mama Says Om: Balance

2006-09-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Balance, what balance? One week, I'm happy and have energy to play with Lucy all the time and the next I want my space. I feel guilty for pushing her away and trying to carve out a little alone time, which seems to be in excess this week. I've never had balance in my life and always wondered how other people attain it. I so easily get addicted to things that seem to give me solidity, coffee every morning, sugar and sweets every night, depression and anxiety seem to throw me off the line of evenness and balance.
I want to make changes to the other extreme in order to find balance in my body sometime in the future. Cutting out carbs except for veggies in order to break the sugar addiction and limiting myself to one cup of coffee in the morning, it's a stong one to be sure. I'm learning again about candidiasis, candida overgrowth, yep I've got it and it throws all things out of balance in the body which surely affects the mind. I've been down this road before, six years ago. I found balance in my body after going to the extreme of lo carb eating and never felt better in my life. Over the years I have started eating some carbs keeping everything in check but after a round of antibiotics last year and eating lots of carbs during my pregnancy my body seems to have grown yeasty again. I'll have to go to the extreme for three to six months to find balance in my gut again, all worth it to get off this roller coaster and find balance.

What are the symptoms of candida overgrowth?

It can infect various parts of the body so there are alot of symptoms including but not limited to:
constipation, diarrhea, abdominal pain, canker sores, persistant heartburn, muscle and joint pain, sore throat, congestion, nagging cough, numb hands, legs or face, tingling sensations, acne, vaginitis, kidney and bladder infections, arthritis, depression, hyperactivity, hypothyroidism, followed by adrenal problems, and even diabetes, a sensitivity to the environment, unable to tolerate the smell of rubber, petroleum products, tobacco, exhaust fumes, and chemical oders.
Most people who have candidiasis have food intolerances, too. From Prescription For Nutritional Healing by James F. Balch MD and Phyllis A. Balch, CNC

And from Linda Page's Healthy Healing:
Candida is a state of inner imbalance, not a disease. Candida Albicans yeast is a common, normally living harmlessly in the gastrointestinal tract and genito-urinary areas of the body. But when immune response is reduced from repeated rounds of antibiotics, birth control pills or steroid drugs, a high sugar or carbohydrate rich diet, and a lifestyle short on rest, the body looses its intestinal balance and candida yeasts multiply too rapidly, voraciously feeding on excess sugars and carbohydrates in the digestive tract.

Signs you may have a candida infection:
recurrent digestive problems, gas, bloating or flatulence
rectal itchingn or chronic constipationalternating to diarrhea
a white coating on the tongue
cravings for sugar, bread, or alcoholic beverages
unusually irritable or depressed
catch frequent colds
unexplained frequent headaches, muscle aches or joint pain
poor memory, difficulty concentrating or focusing thoughts, a space-y feeling
serious PMS, menstrual problems oe endometriosis, chronic vaginal yeast infections or frequent bladder infections
chronic fungal infections like ringworm, jock itch, nail fungus or athlete's foot
hives, psoriasis, eczema or chronic dermatitis
erractic vision or spots before the eyes
oversensitive to chemicals, tobacco, perfume or insectisides

This is too long, again out of balance! Last week I had energy and was happy and easy going, I ate meat and veggies and some sugar free jello with heavy cream for dessert. No finishing Lucy's gluten free toast or a bite of ice cream, my favorite thing to eat ever or cheese or vineagar, also fermented foods feed the yeast. This week, I had some cheese in addition to meat and veggies, I didn't feel as good and I had constipation. A reality check. I also ate birthday cake and ice cream on Wednesday, not feelin so good now. I know what I have to do and it takes time and diligence.

I'll let you know how it goes although if I'm happy and feelin great I may not need to vent on my blog and will be happily playin with Lucy!

Happy Third Birthday!!!

2006-09-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

Today is Lucy's third birthday! We started out the day by decorating her cake.

She wanted strawberry icing. This is a rice crispy treat cake, it was the easiest cake I've ever decorated! We had a great time putting marshmallows and sprinkles on it. Incedentally, Lucy had marshmallows for breakfast.

I also made gluten free brownies with M&Ms. So she had M&M's for brunch. Lucy loves chocolate! We had a little party this afternoon and all the kids on Willie Nelson Road came to celebrate. We had a house full with 11 kids demanding drinks and food. It was a little chaotic for me but Gardner was right at home. We had lots of fun playing with water balloons, duck, duck, goose and soccer. We had hotdogs and hamburgers and of course the cake, brownies and ice cream.

Happy Birthday to You! I love you, Lucy!

Make a wish and blow out the candles!

Lucy, I'm so glad I get to be your Mommie! You have given me such magical and wonderful three years with you, I can't wait to see what this year will bring and what you will teach me about being free and full of love.

What have we been doing?

2006-09-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been 2 weeks since I've blogged. What have we been doing?
We went to my mom's in Paris, Texas for her birthday on the 16th. We had so much fun with those long balloons that twist into different shapes and glow in the dark toys provided by Mr. Rick, my moms long time, like almost 20 year long, boyfriend.

Lucy and I have been playing "Babies" alot lately. We each have a baby that we take to the "park" or dance or her new thing is "getting married". We have a ceremony then we all dance. Kitty and Tad are the newest newlyweds. Seems anyone with a long dress on is getting married. Yesterday she asked "Mommy, what's a wife?" Hmmm...

Lucy had her first soccer practice last weekend. We had fun watching 3 and 4 year olds running around kicking balls.

We've been going to the library alot lately and reading books more than ever.

I got a pumpkin last week and Lucy's idea was to do this to it:

We've been busy playing, I guess.

Tomorrow is Lucy's third birthday and we're having a party so I'll be back with lots of photos!

Mama Says Om: Beauty

2006-09-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

When my heart is open and may be seen by you, then I am beautiful.

I couldn't have an entry on Beauty without my Flower Princess!

MamaSaysOm : Space

2006-09-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

The space between my ears. On authenticity and the addiction of praise.

Photos from Rethinking Education Conference

2006-09-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

So let me think, what do I want to do first?

Whoa, it's a barn.

Discussion time in the puppet theater.

Making corn husk flowers with new friends. So we have a 2 year old, a 7 year old and a 10 year old all working together. In the little box Isabelle had her baby potato, which she made and took care of for the weekend, I babysat for her while she went into the jumphouse. She was very responsible.
Lucy had a great time, she had as many activities to choose from as us adults. And just a comment on the kids, they were unafraid and full of life. We heard live mostly classical music around every corner, the hotel had a piano or two in every common space. Kids improvised with there violins, guitars, mandolins and had jam sessions with one another. We played games and met some wonderful people! I will be going back next year.

Weekend with Naomi Aldort

2006-09-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

I'm back from a wonderful weekend submerged in unschooling and most importantly lectures with Naomi Aldort. She has written many articles for Mothering Magazine and has written Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. A book teaching how to question our thoughts, our stories that hold us back from treating our children with compassion and respect. I feel I've just come out of intense therapy. I am learning how to accept myself and get rid of the shoulds that I tell myself and understand who I am today not yesterday or tomorrow. For example, the last post I felt I needed friends in my life that share my intersts and belief system. The truth is I have a few and what I don't have I don't need at this time or I would be out there hustling to get more. The truth is I don't try and I'm honestly not that social and there is nothing wrong with that until I make something wrong with that. In our society being a mingler, a social butterfly is celebrated and valued, I have always felt that is what I should be, and there is a problem or something wrong with me when I am not, which is most of the time. My thoughts make me miserable not the truth. This has affected my daughter, she says she is so sad she doesn't have friends and how she wants a friend her own size, where does this come from? ME. She has heard me say this about myself and has felt my sadness. She has friends down the street and they do come over. They are a bit older, what's wrong with that? Do toddlers of the same age really play that well together anyway? Not really. Think about it. Do they understand or want to share? Do they get frustrated easily? I'm not saying they shouldn't play together, I'm saying there's nothing wrong with having older or younger friends either. And this is true for me as well, should all my friends be a clone of me? NO! and none of us are exactly the same anyway. What would be fun about that? I was creating a sense of loss or sadness in a place, the friendship department, where it didn't need to be, I felt I should be something I'm not which simply isn't living in reality.
And in the end it's all about ME.

Here's a few more layers to the painting. I've started 2 more of these and this will be a set. BTW not sure where I'm going with these, I'm just enjoying the process without a preconcieved outcome.

Rethinking Education and New Inspiration

2006-08-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

We are headed up to the Rethinking Education Conference tomorrow and will be back Monday. I'm so excited to meet some families homeschooling and unschooling. I hope to connect with a real person that lives in the area, well, within 30-40 miles of us. The conference is in Irving, TX so hopefully... There will be lots of fun for kids and parents and we need to have some social play time around here. We are all lonely for some friends with whom we have something in common.

I finally started a new painting series. I haven't been motivated lately and have been feeling a little down the last few days. I need to connect with someone with similar experiences so I don't feel so weird and alone in my ideas and experiences. My husband and my mom are great but they can't take the place of girlfriends. Feeling a little gloomy I stumbled across this site . And I found someone with whom I have alot in common. I love her paintings and she is gluten free! We have very similar influences, Diebenkorn and Frankenthaller, I loved these artists when I was in school. So nice to be reminded of them. Her studio is amazing, she has a wall mounted easel! There's something about painting right on the wall. The canvas envelopes the painter and all time is lost. I was inspired to get the paints out and
this is the first layer. Nothing profound people, just the first layer.

I decided to mix colors from around my home and I love these tough little flowers. So I used them as a jumping off place.

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Homemade Pizza

2006-08-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

Gardner had a great idea to make homemade wheatfree pizza! We hadn't had pizza since Lucy and I discovered our allergy to wheat a year ago. I had written it off and forgotten about the delicious pie. This was so fun and alot easier than I thought to make, we told stories about our moms making homemade pizza when we were kids. This could become a family tradition. We can pretend to be Italian, right?

I'm not sure why Lucy had her gardening gloves on but she did insist on wearing them while she was making pizza!

Now, doesn't that look delicious? I promise it was easy, go make a pizza with the kids, I don't recommend gardening gloves, though.

My 37th Birthday

2006-08-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

Lucy and I took a trip to Paris last weekend to Noni's house. We have had 37 consecutive days in Texas with over 100 degree weather and this is the hottest year on record! The only thing we could do outside was play in the water. Lucy's cousin Austin joined in the fun.

The next day our prayers for rain were answered and we got a 1/4 inch at my mom's house. The girls had wonderful time running and playing in the rain. It cooled down from 104 to 76 in just an hour. We were all so thrilled to enjoy some cool weather!

Lucy doing her rain dance! We hadn't seen, heard or felt rain in many many weeks. My mom's kitten, Kittybaby, hadn't ever experienced rain in her life, she was hiding.

Lucy loved getting in and out of this tub. It's the simple things in life that are the most fun and amazing.
My mom made me a chocolate pudding whipped cream with pecans on the bottom Birthday "cake" and we blew out a candle. Sorry no pictures of that delicious dream cloud cake, it's in my tummy now! I had a wonderful birthday and the rain was the best present of all, well, the chocolate covered blueberries were good, too and the dark chocolate M&Ms, Lucy loved these!

A Fun Game

2006-08-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

I played a fun game with Lucy yesterday. She's been very interested in writing words and "writes" lots of what looks like long cursive sentences so I asked her to tell me some letters to write and I would write them and try to say the "words" like albibi and rbclh, some were quite hard to pronounce and she thought this was hysterical, then she wrote some words and I picked out some real letters in her elaborate cursive and read them , oh boy, what fun! We laughed and laughed. By the way, I got this straight out of John Holt's How Children Learn, if you haven't read it and are thinking about homeschooling or unschooling this is a great book. It was very interesting and made a case for having a large print New York Times newspaper posted on the wall.

Of course, boxes are fun, too.

And her Great Auntie is hilarious, extra hilarious!

Example of Living with Consent

2006-08-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

Lucy and Gardner were having a little difficulty expressing what each of them wanted so I took this opportunity to help them reach a win-win solution to their delima. Here's how it went:

Lucy wanted to get under the computer desk with her stroller and baby and Gardner wanted to sit at the computer with his legs under the desk. He was trying to get her out and she was trying to get under, niether was considering what the other wanted and a struggle to get what each wanted was errupting. Amanda enters the room.
"what's going on in here, sounds like you guys are unhappy."
"Daddy won't let me under the desk." Lucy screamed.
"She's trying to get under there and I need to work." Gardner said already frustrated.
"OK, Gardner you want to work at the computer with your legs under the desk?" Amanda said calmly but firmy.
"Yes." he said.
"Lucy, do you want to make a house for you and your babies?"
"Yes, mommie, but it has to be dark."
"Ok, would you consider making a larger darker house under your blue table?"
"It has to be dark. Very, very dark." Lucy said firmly.
"We can do that, come take a look at this big blanket....."
She came out and she had a splendid time, I know this sounds simple to you amazing moms out there but before I would have probably stepped in and listened to her, reflected with her but then tried to reason with her about why daddy needed to work or something that put his needs first. I may or maynot have tried to find a way for her to get what she wanted, I did do that some before but now my main objective is to try to figure out what everyone really wants and how we can all get what we want at the same time. Inviting ideas from all participants without any predetermined outcome.
You seasoned CL families please chime in...I kind of think there was a tiny bit of coercion here because I suggested the solution rather than Lucy coming up with her own solution to the problem. I feel so liberated thinking that solutions to everyone getting what they want is only some creative thoughts away.

Gandhi

2006-08-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

Gardner and I watched Gandhi last night. I was amazed with this man. His stance on non-violence and creative ways of pushing Great Britain out of India was awe inspiring. Am I the only person that had never seen this movie? I want to read a book about his life now, he was an incredible and inspiring man. Everything he voiced about violence not being a way to get what you want and how it effects others could have been directly applied to how spanking or hitting effects children. He is my new Hero.

Living With Consent

2006-08-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'm not a writer and this is more of a documentation for myself than for others to read but if you are still interested go for it.
Believe it or not, I'm reading yet another book on parenting. I thought after Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, I was done. It changed my whole outlook on discipline and gave me so much confidence, said everything I had always felt but couldn't articulate. I just joined yet another yahoo group Consenual Living and found a book on their site 'With Consent: Parenting for all to win' by Jan Fortune-Wood. It was described as "the most radical book on parenting..." So I was intrigued. When I ordered it from Amazon it was the last copy and it came all the way from the UK. I was half way through this 98 page paperback and my life began to change in wonderful and great ways!
I have lived my life without believing that I really could have what I wanted and that for one person to get what they want another one must give something up, I didn't think I believed this but I was living this way with my husband and daughter and everyone else for that matter. I would see my dh reading his beloved newspapers and resent it, why couldn't I read for a while. I was a martyr, I would give all my time and energy to parenting and have nothing left for myself. That's not fun at all. I felt guilty when I did get some time to myself, like I didn't deserve it or I was burdening my husband. So you get the picture, it was subtle but the resentment was very much there.
This book tells me we can all get what we want and it's only a matter of finding a creative solution that works for everyone. It invites us to take our children seriously. "Taking Children Seriously is a philosophy of parenting and education that in place of coercion we can reach common preferences with children, that is, a win-win situaton that fosters autonomy and respect." I obviously can't copy the whole book here, you'll have to get your own copy!
I have had a major shift in my whole outlook on life and am questioning all those rules we have for ourselves and for the first ime I feel we can all get what we want and it's my jod to help Lucy get what she wants in life.
It talks about how to
*Recognise our own fallibility at all times.
*Do not simply listen to and hear our children, but actively work with them to find mutually preferable solutions.
*Give advice, but desist from insisting that we know what's best for another autonomous human being.
*Do not dress artificial consequences in the guise of natural consequences, but use your parental role to alleviate consequences with information and assistance.
And
*that as a parent we owe our children, they do not owe us.
*A consent based parent is a trusted advisor not a rule making know it all.
*Information and trust keep children safer than rules.
*Consent involves engagement the opposite of neglect.

This is getting too long and doesn't even begin to give a summary of this book, I am so much happier with my life and have found joy in places I didn't know could be found, good for me! Gardner and Lucy are much happier, too!

Company Coming!

2006-08-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our neighbor, Steve came by on his horse, Doobie Dan. He insisted we all get on and go for a ride. Lucy rode for a long time with Gardner and then she had a "lesson" from Steve on driving the horse, she took the reins without hesitation and off she went with him. She told me she wasn't shy anymore. I guess a ride on horse will do that to ya.

Lucy's cousin Austin came to visit this morning from Paris. Austin is four years old and Lucy thinks she the greatest thing since sliced bread. They played like they were riding horses on a rocking catapillar. What fun it is to have a friend! This was a wonderful break from last week when we were all steeped in boredom and tiredness. Gardner and I actually had a long conversation with Austin's momma, Aunt Tasha while the girls entertained themselves, I was amazed. We were all so happy to have had some company, it was good medicine for our feelings of isolation! We just wish they could have stayed longer. The smile on Lucy's face says it all.

Mama Says Om : Simple

2006-07-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

Just hangin' out.

Almost ready.

Yummm...
From garden to table, simply delicious.

Veggie Garden

2006-07-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

We have mama watermelons and cute little baby watermelons. I can't wait to try them. The tiny yellow flower at the very top of the photo grows into these huge watermelons, amazing.

We have one squash plant that has given more than enough for our family of three. We are in need of some different recipes. Do you have any quick and easy ones?

My favorite tomato ever is the yellow pear, these will turn a bright golden yellow and are D-licious D'yummy.

Tomatos and basil, what a combo, have you ever made a salad with just tomatos, fresh basil, olive oil and balsamic vineagar? SCRUMPTIOUS of course you may add fresh mozzarella cheese, garlic or onions, too. The garden is coming along nicely. Lucy loves to pick tomatos and find baby watermelons under the big leaves.

Mama Says Om: Tumble

2006-07-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

I was playing around with tumble and Lucy came along and added some larger masses of muted colors and I went with it, I originally planned on having more bright blue but I like how it turned out with her help. What kind of feeling do you get from this one? Be honest and just type the first thing that comes to mind, one word is all it takes.

Mama Says Om : Relax

2006-07-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

Relaxing on a bed of soft petals. I was relaxing while painting this one and instead of grabbing another canvas, I kept on painting. I wasn't happy with the composition and it became the one below on another day. Hmm... Which one do you like better or which one feels more relaxing?

Happy Days Are Here Again!

2006-07-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

We are back on track and I'm feeling much happier. I find the act of writing or typing my frustration gives me such clarity and somehow rids my mind of whatever is bothering me. Amazing. Back to compassion, understanding and having fun! Yippee!

Lucy and I have been playing the pulling game, we have a long rope where I pull her into me and I give her big huge hugs and she gets a little air, we do this over and over, she gets alot of contact and she also pulls me which gives her power, I got this simple idea from Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen PhD. This little book was an eye opener for how important play is in a childs life and what kind of play helps to impower children and what kind helps them make sense of their world. Love it.

Patience and Understanding, Please Come Back!

2006-07-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm in the worst mood. Everything is getting on my nerves. Likely PMS but what am I supposed to do about it, now? Lucy wants to nurse every 5 minutes, the dogs are chewing up everything, the house is a wreck. Lucy is doing everything she knows she's not supposed to do, like pouring her cereal on the carpet, writing on walls, peeing everwhere but the potty, hitting my husband and myself , although that was last week, this week she's throwing fits, we had a handful of tantrums around 16 mos and now all of the sudden she seems so angry. I'm sure her anger is all my fault, my inability to have any patience the last few days could have something to do with it, ya think? I saw on Oprah a parenting expert that said something about your children need to know your word is good, kinda like you must put your foot down and not be manipulated by your children. So I started feeling Gardner and I were being too permissive. We let Lucy negotiate with us and if she has a good reason or can change our minds about something we go with her idea. She has some pretty good ideas. But lately, since the Oprah expert, I haven't been listening to her ideas so much. Everything in my AP toolbox has been thrown to the wind and I've been, well, less than understanding. Do I need to read Unconditional Parenting, yet, another time, maybe the third time is a charm. Patience and understanding, please come back!

Crushing and Pressing Grapes

2006-07-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

We have been picking more grapes for ourselves this week in 105 degree weather. It's insanely hot. We have a couple rows of table grapes that I use for jelly making and this is us pressing them into juice.

Lucy LOVES the juice and calls it "fresh wine", we could hardly keep her out of it.

The run off from the grapes attracts hundreds of butterflies, they love the sweet juice. Of course, Lucy is sweet, too.

Blanc du Bois Harvest

2006-07-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

We harvested 8 tons of grapes yesterday. We hired 24 people who started at 7am and quit at 5pm. My neighbors Betty and Jeff helped and my Great Aunt came down from Enloe to babysit Lucy. We are all sunburned and tired with a few cuts on our hands and some fire ant bites here and there but we had a great time. We had all the fixins for sub sandwiches and I boiled 56 eggs which were all eaten, my Auntie made a million cookies and we had oranges and apples for everyone. I was working so hard that I forgot to take pictures until the end of the day. I'm so bummed about that, I kept thinking I should take pictures then forget! Bummer. But this gives you an idea of what 8 tons of grapes look like. Can you tell how tired I was, my eyes aren't even open.

MamaSaysOm : Whimsy

2006-07-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

I tried to paint whimsically without contemplation, just having fun. I hope this conveys that feeling. I'm glad I took photos in stages because in the end I did overwork it, so sad. I have a tendency to do that, how do you know when a piece is finished? This took all of an hour on a whimsy.

Ready to Harvest

2006-07-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

We will be harvesting on Wednesday. Lucy is tasting to make sure they are sweet enough. Our Blanc du Bois grapes have a peachy taste, we will probably pick around 8 tons this year. We will be selling them all to Haak Winery, which is outside of Houston. Blanc du Bois wine has a crisp refreshing taste with peach and citrus overtones, produced dry, it reminds me of Sauvignon Blanc, produced sweet, the way Texans like wine, it is fruity and bright. We like to drink it on hot summer nights, refreshing.

MamaSaysOm : Treat

2006-07-06T06:23:00.000-07:00

Our neighbor across the road was out riding and stopped by one evening last week, what a treat! Lucy couldn't wait to get on the horse! She rode around for a while, I was surprised she wasn't scared of such a huge animal. She was having a ball up there and didn't want my help. She had a huge smile the entire evening.

She has made a deal with another neighbor to help take care of their pony, Rio, brush him and feed him and ride him, of course. She's lovin the country life.

Family Day Today!

2006-06-24T15:58:00.000-07:00

We had a family day today, Gardner didn't work and I haven't done any house work, yet...it is 6pm. Lucy and I woke up bright and early at 6:30am and made a wheatfree peach breakfast cake and sat out on our beautiful new porch and watched and listened to the rain and thunder. Our porch has a metal roof and the sound of the rain tapping the metal is so relaxing. Gardner slept in to about 8, he usually gets up @6am. I never new the man to get up before 10am before Lucy was born. He loves to stay up late and sleep in, he's a night person being a farmer has been difficult because he still wants to work in the office latenight. I'm a morning person but I like my morning to begin around 7:30 not 4:30 or 6:30, which Lucy has been doing this week, her routine, schedule, not that we have a schedule, is off. Going to bed at 11:00pm is a tad bit late for me. I have to say though, I was happy we woke up early today, we had a very nice morning together cooking and drinking coffee, ok, I had coffee, she had warm milk with cinnamon in a coffe cup, of course. My Lucy is so amazing, she is so gentle and caring with her babies, it's so sweet to watch her pick them up like they are so heavy, kissing them on the forehead, she wears them in a sling and gives them milkies, she's a little mama for sure. And I'm worried about putting another baby in the mix of our family, she will love having a baby brother or sister, right?
When Lucy took a nap, Gardner and I watched a movie on the couch together, wow, it was almost like a date. Something we haven't done in a very long time. We thought we would have more time together in Texas but growing grapes takes alot of time and energy. My Mom lives almost 3 hours away and I don't trust anyone else in Texas to babysit. I should say, I haven't met anyone to babysit, yet. I'm not complaining, after harvest we will relax and play more.
I feel like I have to schedule things to do or we never do anything and Gardner just keeps working everyday. Today was penciled in! And we had fun eating chocolate ice cream bars and sitting on our porch! We were to go to a waterpark but the rain kept us home and I'm glad, we had a wonderful time, the three of us together.

2006-06-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Please Help the Moron in me!

2006-06-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm having such a time trying to make sense of the blog settings, yes, I am illiterate when it comes to computers. The problem I'm having is this: when you all comment, I can't send a reply back. I've recieved emails from other bloggers back to my comments but I can't do it. I've got it set up where I get an email when I get a comment but yours come in without a address to reply, they have "noreplycomment" or something. I've looked all over the settings, am I just not capable of doing this from this blog? Elaine from Wannabehippie, has helped me sooo much, she has been my mentor for the whole blogging thing, I saw her beautiful blog and got so inspired I had to do it!!! Thankyou Elaine, you are a godsend, I've done more creating in the past month than I have in years! Now the next thing I want to learn is how do I make her blog name become a link? There's so much to learn!
Jenn, I couldn't get to your blog , it wouldn't let me see your profile. I'd love to visit yours and see what you and your family are up to. I miss our SD playgroup! I love that you found me over here!
Nicole, the painting is small, 12 inches x14 maybe and on paper, it would cost a dollar! I want to send my art out into the world, it's a new concept for me, when I was in Art school I couldn't let it go, I was protective of it or something, not sure but I had opportunities to sell my art and I couldn't do it, weird, I know. If you want it let me know, I'd be happy to put it in the mail, if not no worries. I like the ebay suggestion, I would love to sell my stuff now!
Thanks everyone for your support!

Rain, Rain Come Again

2006-06-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Yippee! Rain has come our way! We've been outside playing and singing over these drops of moisture which will save us lots of money in irrigation. Lucy and I went for a walk with an umberella and for the first time were a bit chilly outside, she actually asked for pants, the girl who wants to be naked all the time.
Gardner is sick with the same virus I had, a good time to be sick when it's wet outside. I guess I didn't have an ulcer after all. This virus is different than anything I've had before, causing headache and pressure behind the eyes, stomachache and nausea, extreme tiredness which is normal but, nervousness and I swear I think I had a panic attack, never had one before but my heart was racing and I felt overwhelmed to the point of tears, and very angry, I even yelled at my daughter a few times! That's the weird part the psychological stuff. I was second guessing myself and feeling bad about myself and Gardner, the eternal optimist, was feeling a bit self conscious, too. Wondering why our new neighbor friends haven't called, that's just not like him.
Strange!
I hope these new friends turn out to be great neighborly friends. We are having a tough time meeting people who are freindly around here and forget about being like minded. Our closest neighbors down the road are friendly but represent alot of the things I dislike about Texas. They are Baptist Church goers, Christian, I have no problem with being Christian, I consider myself a Christian. But these people don't act very accepting and Christlike, they hate gay, and anything that scares them and have the worst negative attitude about everything, they eat fried meat and potatoes, no veggies, have depression so they are all on paxil or prozac the 15 year old son is on ritalin and prozac and noone is seeing anyone for counseling, they have acid reflux and take something for that, but won't consider changing their diet. They complain about having no money and yet have 7 cats none of which are spade or neutered, a pig, 2 horses, chickens and ducks, 2 dogs, and get netflix. The wife won't get a job and won't get a driver's license in order to go get a job, BUT it's the negative attitude, a defeatest attitude and the uneducated offering of advice on parenting and health issues that really bothers me. And I like these neighbors, they are friendly and we talk and Lucy loves the farm yard animals! A petting zoo next door isn't bad thing! Just feel like a duck out of water here. The other neighbors on down the road are downright unfriendly, they never talk and don't even wave when they go by in the car, they have 3 girls my daughter loves to play with ages 6, and 8. The 8 year olds are cousins.
So, hope the new neighbor friends become great neighbor friends, they have 3 kids, 4 years old,3 years old and 8 months old. Lucy wants to play with them again so bad!!! Everyone is so busy and it's hard to make friends as we get older, does anyone have any friend making tips?
Well, I guess I did have alot to say, afterall.

Feeling Strange

2006-06-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this blogging thing. What do I want to write and who am I writing to. The possibility of anyone with a computer reading and looking at what's here is quiet strange. Not bad, just strange, like having a photo album and leaving it at a coffee shop for anyone to peruse. I guess I should ask who do I want to read this stuff, is this just for myself, myself and family and other moms? I put on my profile that I wanted to inspire others to create, but I think it's becoming a journal of sorts. I love to go to other blogs and read there silly, fun and interesting thoughts on life. I don't feel my thoughts are conveyed easily in writing, I need practice. And I use to be funny but find that hard to write down, like I'm not a joke teller I always forget the punchline.

Cousins

2006-06-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

These girls are stuck like glue when they get together and have more fun than a barrel of monkeys. Austin is my brother's daughter, she's 4 and a cutiepie!

Hume Family Reunion

2006-06-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

We went to the Hume family reunion yesterday at the Sulferbluff community center. The Humes come from Scotland where it's as common a name as Smith but here there's not too many. Hume is my mom's maiden name and most of the Humes are as country as it gets. Most have red hair and blue eyes, even the new babies. My mom has green eyes and red hair and we thought Lucy might have a chance at red hair but no, I guess we are Osbornes and have no red hair.

Oh man, I didn't get a photo of the whole group, I swear lot's of red hair and blue eyes, Nikki is my mom's brother and they have a heartbreaking childhood story, should I tell it?

MamaSaysOm : Comfort

2006-06-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

2006-06-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

We went to Houston to a Libertarian convention last weekend, Lucy loved the big swimming pool at the hotel, my husband loved all the libertarians and I was sick. I thought I had an ulcer but now I'm wondering if I had a strange virus. I was so sick at my stomach with alot of pain but the weird part is I was so nervous and in the worst mood. Time will tell if it was a virus or I have an ulcer. I wasn't feeling like myself at all. Strange! Lucy was so sweet. She tried to take care of me, giving me lots of hugs and kisses, bringing me water and trying to be quiet when I was resting. My poor husband had to miss part of the speakers to take care of Lucy while I was in sick in bed. Then I started feeling better after we got home.

Stressed Out

2006-06-12T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, I have an ulcer in my stomach. I think of myself as a pretty laid-back person but I guess my body is telling a different story. I've been in pain since last Tuesday and now I'm eating rolaids like they're the best candy I've ever tasted. I try to take a more natural approach to healthcare but I couldn't function without those little chalky wafers. I have a 2 year old to chase after all day and night and my energy quota is in the negative numbers. I'm so tired!
I have to learn to relax and let things go! I don't know where to begin, I let things eat me up, literally. I know to take deep breathes and that works for immediate help but what about the things that keep coming back? Like I was so stressed out that I offended my friend and she wouldn't return my calls, I kept thinking about it instead of letting it go, how do you let things go?

MamaSaysOm : Yo-Yo

2006-06-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

We migrate back and forth from Texas to San Diego every year and it's like riding on a yo-yo. This collage is sort of a mess to me but that's how I am preparing for the trip and after I get back to Texas for a few days or weeks. It's fun and a culture shock everytime.

Wake Up

2006-06-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to wake up and become more alive, creating and expressing with a place to put all this stuff has given me new vitality! I'm happy and working to be more true to myself. Everytime I put my own immagination on paper I feel closer to myself, I think I'm in there somewhere just dieing to get out! I've put all things Amanda on the back burner for too long. I've been locked away in the facade of perfection far too long, I put on masks to be what I think others want from me and I'm tired of it. I don't think anyone really appreciates getting to know a facade. So who am I? I am alot of things, maybe that's why creating the collages feels so right. I was trapped in trying to paint what other people may recognize as art. My father paints these landscapes that are realistic and "pretty" and he doesn't understand my stuff so I feel like if anyone will like my stuff I have to paint in the lines, if you know what I mean. Well, watch out the real true AMANDA is waking up!

MamaSaysOm: Warm

2006-06-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

2006-06-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

My husband is building us a new covered, screened in porch. We will enjoy sitting outside out of the wind, sun and bugs much more. My daughter will have a place to play out of the sun. We have no trees close to our house right now, we will be planting some this year, it's so difficult deciding where to put them. And I was a garden designer!

Yippee!

2006-06-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how I posted the picture but yippee! This is a painting of my vinyard, I love the greens.

Yes, I can do this!

2006-06-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

Here I am!

2006-05-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

My name is Amanda, I'm a mother of an almost 3 year old, Lucy and wife to a wonderful, patient man, Gardner. We have a vinyard in Texas which keeps us busy. We would like to build a winery soon and make lots of wine.
I'm hoping to create a space to document our lives and to promote creativity in myself as well as others. I would like to find something to laugh about everyday and to find beauty in my day to day routine.