Thursday, August 20, 2009

A New Decade

Turning 40 on Saturday. Time is so suddenly gone, slipping away. I feel now that 50 is so close and then 60 and what? My mom feels bad alot of the time and so tired in her 60's. the past 6 years has raced by in a flash and now what? I think I want another baby and to live in San Diego, but I see my mom getting older and yearn to be closer to her. I get sooo sad at the idea of time passing and then its gone we live such a short time then we die.
I just started reading Eckhart Tolle's 'A New Earth'. I hope this helps me feel better. I sound depressed but it's more that I don't want to waist time. I want to be here now and enjoy it all. I want my sense of humor back! I want to feel good about myself, is that so much to ask? after all it is my birthday!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Back and Forth

I want to move to San Diego. Our lives are so full there. We have friends with common interests and lifestyles. Lucy has wonderful friends in San Diego that are gentle and kind. She is so happy going to parks and meeting up to play and so am I. We just spent a month there in wonderfu cool climate playing and eating beautiful fruits and veggies. Now we are in the heat of Texas buying food at wal-mart, not the freshest food in the country. The transition phase is always tough.

THinking of things to do here. Lucy will start swimming lessons next week and horse riding soon, too. and I'm always on the lookout for gentle and kind families to befriend. Where are they?!?!?!?

Saturday, May 16, 2009


I had blood drawn and sent off to ALCAT back in March. I decided to test my blood with 500 foods to see how my immune system reacted and the results were quite surprising. Not what I expected. Overwhelming.
I have severe sensitivities to Avocado, Basil, Coconut, Duck, Goat's milk, Honey, Kidney Bean, Lentils, Lima Bean, Mint, Parsley, Pear, Pinto Bean, Safflower, Sesame, Sole, Spinach, Turkey and Turmeric. Moderate sensitivities to Acorn Squash, Almond, Baker's Yeast, Black Current, Brussel Sprouts, Buckwheat, Cardamom, Chamomile, Chili pepper, Hazelnut, Nectarine, Paprika, Pumpkin, SAlmon and Tomato. 33 more foods I'm mildly sensitive to like cow's milk and lots of veggis I ate regularly. I've been avoiding all of these foods for almost 2 months, except for a couple accidental exposures from a restaurants and I did get horrible stomachaches both times, the most recent for 48 hours. I had been eating many of these foods thinking they were healthy for me!

I have been keeping a food journal since doing the Candida diet back in 2006-2007 in hopes of finding what foods were bothering me and to record how I was improving or not. I had some improvements with the Candida diet and anti-fungals but I still had recurring digestive issues and lots of anxiety. I should mention I was tested for Pyroluria last summer and the test came back boderline, I started taking B6 and Zinc with positive results with less anxiety and nervousness. I also tested low in vitaminD, too. Looking back, I found I had anxiety almost everytime I ate turkey but I was looking at every other food, I never would have suspected Turkey! And Coconut! I used coconut milk, organic extra virgin coconut oil internally and externally, I LOVE coconut, I have coconut flour, too. I used peppermint oil in water for my recurring stomache aches! My all time favorite soap is Dr. Bonner's peppermint! I had everything mint available. I honestly couldn't think of living without mint, thankgoodness for tea tree oil.

Alcat recommends eating foods in a 4 day rotation, this has been a huge challenge for me because although we do eat a variety of foods, many foods do seem to creep into our daily lives, like rice, oats and a variety of oils from butter subs. like Earth Balance, I mean what do we eat on warm fresh bread but buter and jelly?!!?? Pre- Alcat, dairy, albeit raw and organic, was a daily food. Now, I'm trying to keep our favorite dairy sub, soy milk, to a minimum, we are so accustomed to creamy foods, I'm trying to wean myself and Lucy off little by little. Oatmilk is great to put in the rotation and easy to make, as well. I will try to make rice milk soon, Rice Dream has safflower oil, as do many healthfood store foods.

I'm being a brat about coffee, though. I don't want to rotate it with green tea and black tea, I like those in the afternoon, you know tea time, not in the morning, that's my coffee time, the horrible part is I've been putting that fake creamer in it instead of the real stuff, alternating with soy creamer, I know that's one of the worst things I can ingest BUT I love really creamy coffee. I hope to get to a better place with the coffee issue. I tell myself rotating it at least every other day would make it so much better, special. Hmmmm.....

One interesting revelation in trying the rotation diet: I live in the past, during the time of high anxiety, I worried at night what I said the day or week before, what may have offended or was the wrong thing said, I write in my journal about what I've already eaten or felt or done. I do plan some for the future but it isn't my focus, I don't spend too much time on it. I TRY to live in the present as best I can. I noticed after seeing Vikii, my accupuncturist, the first time, she asked many questions about my being and one was what do you think about when your mind is racing or worrying, I never questioned that, I just worryed and all that worrying was about hte past. So the rotation diet is forcing me to look ahead, plan for the next day/week instead of looking in the fridge and figuring out what I would cook the next meal. This is soooo good for me. Meal planning for the week, what a concept. I ususally bought what was on sale and/or what was in season and made meals around that now I look at the days allowance and plan meals around that, still sticking to what's in season.

What I have noticed so far is an absence of bloating, stomache pain, anxiety, low blood sugar symptoms and less impatience/anger. I have been feeling so much better that I've started running, ok so I can run 1/4 mile right now but I wouldn't have thought to run 2 months ago. In a couple more months I'll test my cortisol and hormones again to see if there's an improvement. I really hope this clears up alot of my problems. By taking this test I realize even healthy foods can be problematic and I knew nothing about what my body was telling me, I could hear the complaints but I would have never figured these sensitivities out on my own.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Busy Bees

Lucy and I are taking a trip to San Diego to see Gardner a week from tomorrow! We're spending 3 weeks with him and will have lots of great playtime with friends! I'm thankful and surprised at how fast the last 3 weeks have gone, I'm starting to believe "staying busy" takes away worry and stress better than anything.

A few things that have kept us busy:

Gardner bought some of the "Little Hands" books on Ebay for basically the cost of shipping, thanks to Mandy for the recommendation. They are great, lots of simple ideas to spur thoughtful conversations and activities. I especially like "Fun with my 5 Senses". Lucy doesn't really like the repitition of workbooks and these are nothing like a workbook, they are quite charming and fun.

I've also been baking G/F breads in the bread machine, yummm... I had forgotten how delicious and comforting fresh baked bread truly is to the body and spirit. and muffins, I love muffins, they travel easily and are the perfect size. How about carrot cinnamon, yummm....

Making Valentine cards and hanging them all over the house. It a regular Hallmark store around here.

We've been sick so movies, lots of movies. We watched "Miss Potter" a few days ago, it was very good. She was amazing inspite of her mother.

Of course reading is one of my favorite past times and my latest self-help favorite is Dale Carnegie's " How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". This book is really speaking to me, I worry all the time and stress and get angry and obsess about what I said last week, if I'm being a good parent, I should do this or that, this list could go on and on. Maybe that's why my adrenals are broken and I have an ulcer! I try to be all laid-back on the outside because that is what I want to be, but on the inside I'm a mess, this book has turned a few of my worries around. I hope I can get to a place of little worry. I'm working on breaking the worry habit and let things go!

My new mantra is "One thing at a time", I say it at times when I feel flustered and feel pressured to do a million things perfectly at the same time, usually when I'm hungry and have low blood sugar freak outs, when I start feeling overwhelmed and also when I feel my mind wandering from the task at hand. I've made a song out of it and sing throughout the day, if I'm singing and thinking about the words I can't be worrying at the same time.

Can't wait to see Gardner!!!!!!!

Monday, February 09, 2009

Rambling on.....

I finished pruning the vineyard last Wednesday! I feel a great sense of acomplishment and relief, now I can rest a bit until the vines start growing again in the spring. My dad came down that day and helped me finish and we celebrated with a glass of Blanc du Bois 2005 from my personal stash. I grew the grapes, picked the grapes and made the wine. Delicious. We had a very nice visit.

My Uncle is in the hospital in Dallas with cancer. He found out 3 weeks ago and now he can't walk, cancer is wrapped around his spine. Everytime he's given a MRI or body scan, more cancer is found, its fast moving. Lucy and I have been to visit a couple times. He has smoked for more than 50 years. He's weak and in alot of pain. Going thru chemo and radiation. It doesn't look good. I wish I could encourage them to incorporate some natural therapy into their plan, they are in their 70's and not hip to those ideas. Uncle Bill and Auntie are the folks my brother and I spent a couple weeks in the summer with, my Aunt was a school teacher and had summers off, we did ceramics and they took us water skiing many times. They were so young and full of energy.

Now for a VENT:

I babysat my neighbor down the roads 3 year old last Thursday and Lucy and I have been sick ever since. What is OK about sending a contagious kid down to someone else's house to infect them? I think this woman just doesn't care. But is stupid enough to think when you pump'em up with meds they are OK to send out into the world. JEEZ! The shear stupidity I have come across in this town! and the SH** I put up with in order to have friends for my daughter. This womans kids are spanked and yelled at on a very regular basis, so much so that the kids spank each other while playing, Lucy told me about this play, the kids are in their bedroom while I'm in the living room with the mom and this is going on, OK I'm good with it as long as everyone is playing and having fun, then Lucy tells me it hurts and they won't stop when she asks them to, HOLY CRAP!!!! We haven't been down there since nor will we be going down there. OH, I knew it wasn't ideal but I kept telling myself Lucy needs to play with kids, she wants to play with kids, although she doesn't really like these kids, most of the time. The thing is, they always feed our dogs when we are gone, of course we pay them but I feel I have to appease her or she won't feed the dogs, I feel like such a chump.

We are going to San Diego to visit soon for 3 weeks, I am soooo looking forward to being there, being with Gardner and seeing friends that are gentle, loving, thoughtful and WONDERFUL!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Knitting on a cold, rainy day

My mom gave me this pattern for a quick, EASY and cute washcloth, I made one yesterday. I wish I could post photos but the software is on Gardner's computer in SD.

size 10 1/2 needles, I used size 8

Guage: 4 sts and 8 rows equal lin in garter st
Pattern cast on 4 sts

Row 1 K

Row 2 K 2 sts, YO, K to end.

Repeat row 2 until there are 43 sts, I did 31 sts, I like small washcloths.

Next Row: K1, K2 tog, YO, K2 tog. K to end of row.
Continue this until there are 4 sts left. Bind off.

Really cute edge.

My mom was here last weekend, I worked in the vineyard with a windchill of 23 degrees, my hands hurt from the cold. Sunday was a better working day, no wind but a chilly 40 degree day. I'm on row 35 now, so just 5 more rows to go, a row takes about an hour. My arm is falling asleep at night and waking me up from the continual squeezing of the clippers.

Monday was a pretty bad day around here. It was cold and wet and I was hormonal, I think ovulation makes me about as crazy as PMS, is that possible? I will be 40 this summer and I'm worried I'm going to lose my ability to have another baby! Hormones. Lonely and depressed, too. and we just started this several week stint without Gardner. I'm thinking today it would've been better to go to SD with Gardner and let the vineyard go, but I must be stronger than that.

Lucy is looking forward to gymnastic class tomorrow, I'm so thankful we found something for her to do with other kids!!! She wanted to take riding lessons but I haven't been able to find a place, seems strange, here we are in Texas, isn't this the land of cowboys and horses and all that?

Lucy lost a second tooth last night, she pulled it herself, or played with it until it came out. She got really upset about the Tooth Fairy taking her tooth, so we wrote a letter to her asking to leave the tooth AND money, she saving all her $ to buy a horse.

Thanks for the shout out LolaCoca-Cola. I know you, I've been to your house for a Frontier Co-op pick-up, I met Naomi G. there. Gosh, that was 2 years ago? You were so welcoming to a stranger, thankyou! I would love to join the co-op when we get settled in SD.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Gardner's gone

Lucy and I took Gardner to the airpoirt yesterday. He's in San Diego and we are here in Texas with our dogs, Smokey and Bandit, and prakeet, Sunshine. I will prune vines today in windy and warm, 80 degree weather, while the reality of gardner's absence takes hold. My goal is to keep as busy as possible so the time goes by faster while he's gone.
My to do list:

1. Plant seeds in the greenhouse for a spring garden.

2. Find a place for Lucy to ride horses or lessons.

3. Work on the vines, that's a given.

4. Become friends with the lady at the feed store, she was really nice and has horses.

5. Make felt cookies, pizza, sandwiche stuff for Lucy's kitchen.

6. TRUST in the unschooling process and learn to back off from "teaching"

This is all to do until the new buyer comes along and we move to San Diego, then I will do these things there with all my wonderful SoCal friends.

Jen, I'm so glad you found a buyer! I'll try the St. Joseph thing, I'll try anything right now!!!!!

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